A Love Before Time
by NativeMoon
Summary: It is the height of the 1st War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. COMPLETE - SS/OC no SS Slash, sorry Alternate Universe.
1. Seeing the light

**Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.**

**Summary: It is the height of**** the 1****st**** War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. **_**Alternate Universe.**_

**Supernatural/Drama/Angst/Spiritual/Romance/Horror**

**This story is rated R/M. It is very intense and for mature readers only.**

**A Love Before Time**

**Chapter 001: Seeing The Light**

_The First War_

21 year-old Severus Snape walked quickly as he dared to get out of the freezing February rain with his travelling cloak wrapped tightly around him. He was taking back roads to his destination. No portkeys, no floo powder and no using his own broomstick if it wasn't absolutely necessary in keeping up with his ruse. He couldn't take the chance that he was being tracked.

There was no loyalty or honour amongst thieves and the Death Eaters were an extreme version of that old adage.

It was all out war in the wizarding world now and Voldemort was growing more powerful by the day. Snape had always considered himself fortunate that all he was required to do was to work on extreme poisons and toxins rather than engage in the usual Death Eater carnage and destruction. However, he was not given room enough to breathe so that he could come up with the necessary antidotes. He had no idea how the potions were used or who the unsuspecting victims were that they were used on. The only thing he knew was that his was just as heavy a hand in the wholesale slaughter of innocents as any Death Eater who had wielded a wand and executed Unforgivable Curses.

With anyone else Potions would have been hit and miss. Lucius Malfoy, the second-in-command, had known exactly what he was doing when he targeted the young Potions Master. Snape never made a mistake. That most remarkable ability was the only thing keeping him alive other than being a skilled Occlumens and he was well aware of it. There were 12 predecessors who had served in this capacity. If Snape was what everyone believed him to be, he would be the last even if it was under the inauspicious cloud of being number 13.

However, it had taken so long for him to make his declaration to the Dark Lord that he was not entirely trusted. Then again, Voldemort was astute enough to not entirely trust anyone – anyone save Lucius Malfoy; something Snape was certain would contribute to the Dark Lord's eventual downfall. Malfoy was arrogant in his wielding his power and influence, especially within the ranks of Death Eaters.

Things were changing and very quickly. Too quickly for Snape's taste. He'd made a mistake in joining and other than death there was no way out off his own back. He had hoped against all hope that somehow he could break the curse upon his flesh that was the Dark Mark, the magical brand of a tattoo that bound him body and soul to Voldemort.

He was taking a grave risk working on solutions to this most insurmountable of problems whilst also catering to the whims of his master in the same laboratory. He'd been working non-stop for weeks and the Goddess must surely be smiling upon him because Malfoy informed him this morning that he was being granted some time off. The Potions work was on hold.

Snape was not told why.

And not being told why, he knew that something was being planned. It had to be quite important for him to be summarily dismissed. Still he was not entirely trusted and the torture tests he'd been subjected to were becoming _'tedious and boring'_ according to Malfoy.

Snape swore that one day he would get his revenge. Lucius had steadily increased the shit-stirring against him – especially when it seemed that the Potions Master was currying favour with the Dark Lord. Better to be in the good graces of the Dark Lord than at the top of his hit list, but trust a dunderhead like Malfoy to not have the common sense or intelligence to work that out for himself. To not curry favour with the Dark Lord would have been tantamount to signing his own death warrant. He had, in a way, when he took the Mark. But at least Snape's was a role which required skill, unlike Malfoy's. The subtle science and exact art that was Potions-making was a dying art form and no one else had ever really been up to the task. It had cost them their lives and he was determined that somehow he would get past this; that he would survive in spite of the odds against it.

Snape had his own ideas for after the war. His own ideas of the life he wanted after Voldemort was no longer a threat. He just had to bide his time and not get on the wrong side of the Dark Lord's wand, or Lucius Malfoy's, or some rogue Death Eater out to make a name for her- or him- self.

There was one thing he could do to get the lifeline he knew he needed – the one thing he had not allowed himself to do.

Not yet.

Malfoy was always one to take unnecessary and oftentimes reckless risks. He had his own agenda, after all. There were few amongst the Death Eaters who wouldn't like to see the reign of the Dark Lord come to an end. Snape was certain that Lucius had delusions of assuming the leadership in the seeming unlikely event of Voldemort's demise. So far the Dark Lord-In-Waiting had been blessed with more than a healthy dose of good luck which he took for granted, being the spoiled brat that he was. Sooner or later that luck was bound to run out.

As it would for all of them in one way or another unless something drastic happened.

Despite eliminating a number of the Order of the Phoenix resistance movement and slaughtering Muggles and Wizards alike; regardless of the fact that no one in the wizarding world who knew to trust anymore, not even their own families – things weren't moving fast enough. The Dark Lord was impatient; _very impatient_. Malfoy was fanning the flames of that impatience and sooner or it was going to cost everyone in the rank and file of Voldemort's army. Despite whatever abomination to mankind it was that he had mutated into, there was at the heart a human being who had been known as Tom Riddle. A human being who had given his body, soul and spirit to the extremes of the Dark Arts; a human being determined to conquer Death and be the sole possessor of immortality. Lord Voldemort wanted nothing less.

That thought wasn't worth thinking about and Snape did his best to push the darkest of dark thoughts from his mind. He speeded up his walking, moving stealthily with ease. He might well have been levitating.

There was a gated wall ahead. He moved swiftly towards it and gave it yank. It didn't budge and he swore under his breath. He'd meant to repair it ages ago and just never had the time. The simple _Reparo_ charm wasn't enough to fix whatever it was that was wrong.

Circumstances conspired against him and he pushed the problem with the gate to the back of his mind. It wasn't really a priority in the scheme of things.

Snape reached awkwardly between the thick wooden slats of the gate to the rear of the locking mechanism. It was difficult to not only get it undone, it was difficult to get it undone without ripping his hand open in the process. A minute or two of fumbling and he felt the lock give way. It was raining even harder and the wind had picked up.

He was now surrounded by high hedges. There was only one way to go – either forward on the dirt track or back. Having taken this route there was no point in doubling back. It would only mean that it would take twice as long for him to get home and the sun was already setting as it is.

Home.

No one knew that he had a home, a real home other than the old family home in North Wales. Thankfully he had mastered the skill of Occlumency which prevented his memories from being probed through the use of Legilimency. Using the Legilimens was a favourite technique of the Dark Lord's. In using it to access the memories of his followers and victims, he always knew when someone was lying to him. As far as Voldemort and anyone else knew, Snape had no one in the world. He could only get comfort if it involved a sack of galleons, which being from a working-class background the young Potions Master was in short supply of.

That was no truer now than it was when he had been at school.

There was someone who cared about him. There was comfort for him. As much as he hated the life he was being forced to live he had no regrets about her. He had kept telling himself that he couldn't have any semblance of a life until the Dark Lord was cast out. But it seemed more and more likely that a new era was on the verge of dawning and sooner or later he would have to adjust to a new world order along with everyone else.

People were still courting, getting Handfasted, settling down and starting families. There were still parties and trips to the pub. Social niceties had not disappeared, although perhaps there might be a certain edge to them now. Indeed, it seemed as though in some circles things had picked up from what he managed to overhear listening to the gossiping Death Eaters who guarded his lab.

And when circumstances conspired to bring them together after a life so far of being on the outside with no one of his own, he could not resist it thought common sense told him otherwise. The angel and devil on his shoulders were at war over this most delicate of situations. Once he'd become involved with the woman he loved – yes, _loved_ – he was powerless to stop it.

Snape raced through the overgrowth and found himself a few yards from a small cottage. A few lights were already on and he could just make out a figure in the kitchen.

The Potions Master smiled to himself. A few quick strides and he was at the back door to the property. He didn't dare keep so much as a key on him and used his wand to let himself in.

BAM!

A gust of wind blew the door open as soon as he'd undone the old locks on it and there was a shriek from inside.

'It's only me,' he called out as he secured it.

'Oh – thank God for that!' came a voice. 'You scared me out of my wits!'

He hung up his wet things and kicked off his soaking shoes in the little wet room off the kitchen. He'd barely got them off when he was crushed in a tight hug.

_'I have missed you so much….' _she murmured softly as he returned it.

She smelt faintly of turpentine and oil paints. She loved arts and crafts, but especially painting. She also smelled off cinnamon and vanilla; essential oils. He was always reminded of her when he smelled those two scents – even in Potions work.

His mouth sought hers and he gave into the heat of passions that had known no release since he'd last seen her almost four months ago. After several minutes the girlfriend no one knew he had took his face into her small artist's hands with long tapered fingers and looked at him.

'You need to rest, love,' she said firmly.

He sighed.

'I will… Come. I just want to be with you…'

They never discussed his tasks for Voldemort. Nor did they discuss the loyalty tests or the punishments meted out. They didn't have to.

She always knew without him telling her.

She was gifted; an Empath. A true Seer.

She could see it.

She could feel it.

She lived it as much as he did.

It killed him to know that she had such intimate knowledge and understanding of what he was forced to endure. But she was gifted. That gift had been a curse as much as it had been a blessing.

And that gift was something Voldemort wanted for himself.

There was a very specific reason Voldemort wanted to initiate her – Why he still was unable to ascertain. One of his first loyalty tests was to have involved killing her if he couldn't 'persuade' her to join Voldemort's ranks. He and Rowan had been students together at The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. No one even known that they had been on what would be construed as friendly terms let alone knew each other.

Rowan had been a Ravenclaw and he was in Slytherin, the house that was the most maligned and hated in the school. She'd never humiliated or bullied him like the others. And she never joined in with the laughter at his expense nor had she turned a blind eye to what was going on right under her nose.

She did have her group of friends that she socialised with, including Remus Lupin, a Gryffindor and one of a group of four who called themselves The Marauders. The Marauders had tormented him to no end and made his life hell. Lupin was one of the few subjects that they agreed to disagree on. Severus knew better than to push her about her dubious taste in friends and she knew better than to try and make him see sense where her friends were concerned.

Rowan was one of less than a handful of people Snape had tolerated without having to make to much effort. But with the abusive childhood he had survived, no one could get close to him and he would not allow himself to care about or feel anything for anyone else.

No one, until her.

Theirs had started out as a begrudging sort of friendship. Then it evolved and they would quietly seek each other out in the Library hidden away in one of the small quiet rooms where no one could see or disturb them. One rainy afternoon in such a quiet room their relationship turned intimate, much to their surprise. Neither had thought the other would be interested in taking it so far. Their intimacy "just happened", or so they told themselves blaming it on hormones, loneliness and all manner of other things.

He hadn't been her first, much to his disappointment. When pressed she refused to discuss it. It didn't matter, she had said. Snape wasn't at the point yet where he would commit himself fully to her, no more than the other guy had been able to apparently. And so they kept on with meeting in the library, behind the greenhouses and in the old graveyard and abbey ruins on the far side of the grounds, refusing to see the situation for what it was.

Finally they had to face the truth.

Each was all the other ever really had, even Rowan with her circle of friends and interests in art and music. If he was he was the question, then she was the answer to that question.

Then came that fateful night of his forced initiation into the Death Eaters. Soon after was the loyalty test. Only later did he find out that it was set not by Voldemort. It was set by none other than Lucius Malfoy. Rowan wasn't a mark on anyone's chalkboard until Malfoy decided she had something worth getting their hands on.

But the question still lingered – _what was it that had transpired such that they were keen to make use of her?_

The young Potions Master couldn't bring himself to hurt Rowan or even consider luring her into Darkness. Instead he hid her away. He did what he could to look after her even though he had nearly died and almost lost his mind from having the Cruciatus Curse applied to him for what felt like an eternity. It was no small miracle that he was still alive.

It was the same for her experiencing it through him.

Rowan had been beyond consolation when she realised what he had risked and suffered in order to save her life. But Snape never blamed her. As far as he was concerned the Goddess had to be looking out for them for him to have been assigned the task rather than someone else, especially Malfoy. So far they had been lucky, but it always felt like they were surviving on borrowed time. They were, but there was no concrete way of knowing that.

Not yet.

'They almost killed you, Severus. That man – Malfoy – he is nothing less than a sadist…'

Snape huffed darkly.

'A bored sadist apparently – that is why I am here. Something is going on; something that doesn't require my services. Rather than keep me locked away I have been dismissed – for the time being.'

He frowned, and as he did so his brows knit together in frustration. For such a young man he was already beginning to age, including acquiring a vertical line between his brows that would deepen over the years along with lines on either side of his mouth. Having to live his life in the shadow of Voldemort as he did was starting to take its toll.

_Rowan leaned forward, slumped to the floor and stared into the fire crackling in the fireplace._

_'There is one to come when the world next grows dark at midday – the one Dark Lord believes will threaten his existence,' she said in a quiet whisper of her normal husky speaking voice. 'A prophecy in a place unknown and incomplete to him reveals it. The one who wields great power and fear unto He Who Will Not Be Named witnessed the revealing from the charlatan who knows not. _

_Three innocents will come on that day, one will be chosen and it is he that will be set against him – the enmity mutual from the giving of a mark. The reign of Darkness will come to an end but only for a time. The peace will be but an illusion…the second war to come more terrifying than the first should he be allowed to rise to full power…'_

_She took shallow breaths…and then passed out cold._

'Rowan!' Snape rasped not understanding what could be wrong.

She had never passed out before.

He picked her up and lay her gently on the old sofa. After a few moments she slowly regained consciousness.

'Mmm Severus,' Rowan moaned quietly as her eyes took in his worried face.

She tried to sit up and sank back down under a wave of nausea, placing a hand over her mouth.

'Rowan – what's going on? What's wrong?'

Uncharacteristically the Potions Master was panicked though it did not show on the cool exterior that was his countenance. It was more to do with her condition than with what he'd just heard.

'Just the morning sickness…except it seems to be afternoon and night sickness too…' she replied feebly.

Snape was shell-shocked.

_**'Morning sickness?' **_he intoned slowly with wide eyes.

Rowan gave a slight smile and her eyes welled up with tears.

'I'm pregnant, Severus. About four months along…' she mumbled in a choked whisper.

She'd agonised over telling him. With everything going on, with the dangers they both faced – this was not the time to bring new life into the world. Not when everything was so uncertain and they were forced to be apart and their relationship a secret.

'I'm going to be a father…' Snape whispered incredulously.

Rowan sniffed as hot tears ran down her cheeks.

'Yes…' she croaked. 'I'm past the danger zone now apparently…16 weeks…'

She burst into tears and Snape pulled her into his arms. She'd had one miscarriage before this – the night he was tortured to the brink of death for failing to hand her over to Voldemort. She'd been at 14 weeks then.

'Don't you want our baby?' he asked allowing just a hint of worry to creep into his voice.

'Yes! I want him so much, Severus. I want us to be a proper family…'

'Him?'

'I just know… it's a boy…' she sniffed as she touched a cheek. 'A beautiful black haired boy just like you…with green eyes like mine…'

'A son...' Snape replied softly.

He never knew what to think about the way that Rowan saw him and experienced him. She saw and felt things he would never acknowledge in himself.

'Mmm hmm…'

Rowan nodded and tears streamed down her face. In the face of so much uncertainty, hidden from the world, she was frightened.

'I could do with heaps of that legendary Gryffindor bravery,' she thought to herself.

Things were now greatly complicated and she just didn't know how they would get around the problems to come from such a blessing as this.

Severus thought for a moment. This changed everything. He couldn't go back to Voldemort. He just couldn't. But to not go was suicide. It did not matter where he went, the Dark Lord would always find him. She couldn't go back to her parents, and especially not in her condition. Being Muggles, they had rejected their magical child out of fear borne of ignorance. Like many before her, she found herself unceremoniously dumped on the Headmaster's doorstep after her first year.

They were damned no matter what he did…or didn't do.

'Damn it to hell!' he roared out loud.

Rowan shrank bank and the tears fell even harder.

'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry – it's all my fault!' she shouted.

'No – no it isn't and there is NOTHING to be sorry for! I want this child, Rowan! Our child!' Severus said taking her face into his large hands and kissing her through her salty tears.

'It's OK,' she sniffed breathlessly. 'It's ok if you don't want it. I'll…I'll…do whatever you want…'

She impulsively placed a protective hand over her small pot of a belly hidden by the painter's smock she was wearing. She wanted their baby so much.

'Don't you even think it!' he hissed pulling her into his arms once more. 'I could never…I would never want that…not ever! Don't you ever dare say such a thing ever again!'

Rowan clung to him, burying her head in his chest. Snape stroked her long bright red hair and did his best to comfort her.

'What are we going to do? He'll call you back…we both know he will. And there is no telling how long you'll have to be gone…or if you'll come back…' her voice trailed off.

Both were thinking the same thing.

With things as they were and her pregnant, she couldn't remain here on her own. It was too dangerous. Being as empathic as she was there was the ever present danger of miscarrying. Rowan needed access to the best medical care the wizarding world offered. It was either the St. Mungos-St. Swithins Family Clinic or Madam Pomfrey, the Mediwitch on staff at Hogwarts. She couldn't go to the former – teeming with spies for the Dark Lord as it was.

'Let's have dinner and then sleep on it,' Snape said gently not wanting to upset her.

But he already knew what needed to be done.

And he had both the courage and inspiration to finally do it.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Their lovemaking that night and the following morning had been heated, intense and emotional.

_So emotional. _

And comforting.

_So, so comforting._

As it always was.

_As it always had been._

Despite outward appearances to the contrary he did feel, and very deeply at that. Never before had he known such bliss such as when they were in each other's arms. Loving, being in love and being loved had made him reckless, many would have thought. They should have been more careful. _He, of all people, should definitely have been more careful._ A very important "should" that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Or so it seemed.

He pushed the thoughts of her and feelings for her so deep inside even _he _would have a problem accessing them. He'd adopted a Dark Glamour for this most perilous of journeys. There was no doubt he was doing the right thing. He'd managed to acquire a broomstick so as to not have to use his own. It had killed him to leave her alone, but had no choice. He couldn't take the usual transport to Scotland. The Hogwarts Express took about 6 hours to get to Hogsmead Station from King's Cross, but it didn't matter. It was not only too time-consuming; it would have looked highly suspicious to see a man not already affiliated with the school on the train used by staff and students. The only parents to have ever been seen at the school were those on its Board of Governors.

He knew that if he ventured up to London he would get a result. Some fool was likely to have left their broom in the courtyard to the rear of the Leaky Cauldron, the pub that was the gateway to the commercial hub of the wizarding world. He hit pay dirt, for there were several fools that day and he got himself a decent Clean Sweep Three. He took the broom that was neither the best nor the worst. Just an average broom for someone who most decidedly was not. He jinxed the others just to prove a lesson to the dunderheads who owned them.

Snape emptied his mind as much as he seemed to have emptied his heart the moment he left her. Although one needed eye direct contact to access memories he was not about to take a chance that there was one amongst the populace who didn't. There was many an ambitious wizard who sought to hone and redefine established techniques.

Voldemort was but one.

And he had spies everywhere.

Every place save one, he hoped.

…**xXxXxXx…**

He never thought he would ever set foot in these grounds again and certainly not under these circumstances.

Snape looked up at the old castle that was the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

There was a _Crack!_

Before him stood Albus Dumbledore, the latest in a long line of Headmasters in a tradition that was thousands of years old. Snape was now standing in the Headmaster's office. How he got there was anyone's guess as it was widely known – and accepted fact – that you could not Apparate or Disapparate in or out of the castle and its grounds.

It was such an innocuous little trick, but one that had the desired effect of reaffirming the power the Headmaster most definitely had.

**Dumbledore. **

_The only person that Lord Voldemort feared._

**Dumbledore. **

_The Greatest Wizard of the Age._

'Hogwarts is always here for those in need of it, Severus. As am I.'

Such was the opening salvo in what Snape had expected to be a volley of verbal hexing. He told Dumbledore about having been somewhat reluctant to commit himself entirely to Voldemort and then being forced to join or die. He named names and told what he knew. The Headmaster had no doubts that Snape was finally admitting he was in over his head.

And desperate to get out of the mess he'd created.

The young Potions Master let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding in.

'I am also here because of Rowan Morgause, Sir.'

Dumbledore's countenance was one of contemplation.

'If I am not mistaken, she has not been seen in over two years,' he said evenly. 'There is speculation that she is one of _"The Disappeared"_. A tragedy for one so vibrant and full of life; one so extraordinarily gifted.'

_The Disappeared_ were those unfortunate souls that just vanished into thin air. Snatched for the Dark Lord by his Death Eater minions. No one dared speak about it publicly. Still, there wasn't a person alive in the wizarding world that did not know of at least one person who had simply gone to work, gone to the market, or gone off to meet up with friends and who had never returned. It was commonly believed, and rightly so, that those souls would not be coming back. There was no returning from the dead.

_'Not quite, Professor.'_

Dumbledore leaned forward and blue eyes met black.

Snape hesitated.

'I want to help you…and whomever I can, Severus. I cannot do that unless you are ready to help yourself…and them…'

The young Potions Master swallowed and let out another deep breath.

'I can't…I just…' he mumbled as his voice trailed away.

'I know it is not in your nature to ask for help any more than it is to receive it. You are here at great personal risk, the likes of which I know all too well. For you to have taken such a grave step – it is not an idle matter.'

'I am not going to portray myself as being so altruistic in your eyes, Headmaster. There is too much at stake here and a good part of my reason for being here is personal. _Very_ personal.'

Dumbledore nodded as he idly stroked a red and gold glass bowl on his desk.

'Rowan Morgause is not quite one of The Disappeared. She was meant to be – but…'

'What, Severus?' the old wizard asked gently.

Snape took a deep breath.

'I…I…couldn't do it, Sir. _I couldn't do that to her! Rape! Torture – torturing her until she died or agreed to be initiated! _I am not like that wizarding trash – that SCUM that follows him so blindly! I was a fool and made a grave mistake in joining him. I accept that. I will pay for that mistake for the rest of whatever I have left of my miserable life! But I have not, nor will I ever indulge in such barbarity!'

'Easy, easy,' the Headmaster said gently. 'Tell me everything. No matter how innocuous it may seem.'

'Voldemort has put a high price on her head. There are bounty hunters all over the British Isles in search of her.'

'Since when has Tom needed to resort to such drastic measures?'

Snape looked his saviour in the eyes. He had never heard the Dark Lord referred to in terms that revealed his humanity. He had the fleeting thought that anything that was human could be killed. In the Dark Lord's case that was most definitely easier said than done.

'It is because _I failed_, Sir! There has only ever been one assignment I was given which did not involve the Potions & Charms development programmes I told you about. I was ordered to bring Rowan Morgause in. The Dark Lord sees her as being invaluable to the cause no thanks to Lucius Malfoy. I failed to deliver her and he exacted a "_fitting punishment" _that nearly killed me. And her as well in the process…all that I experience so to does she.'

Dumbledore nodded incredulously and poked his wand in the potion-filled bowl. He only allowed himself to speak after a moment of meditation.

'You are bound, child?'

Snape blinked and gave a slight nod of confirmation. There was no sense in denying the most peculiar relationship that he had with the woman he loved and adored. They were not only soul mates, they were something even more rare, more precious. They were Twin Flames, or Twin Souls; each completed the other in a way that was not possible with anyone else.

'Such a bond can only be created by a love that is strong, pure and very true,' the Headmaster said gently. 'It is the mark of Twin Souls. It is eternal…and unbreakable. And given Rowan's special gift – it is no wonder your "_fitting punishment"_ almost killed her.'

'Yes…' Snape whispered softly after digesting this astonishing and overwhelming news. 'I would do anything, _anything_, to save her and our child.'

Dumbledore's blue eyes glittered strangely.

'A child did you say?'

'Not yet born, I have kept Rowan in hiding for just over two years now and done all I can to keep her safe. Our friendship, our relationship, began in our Fourth Year here. For the first time in my life I allowed myself to love and be loved. In our Sixth Year she fell pregnant with our first child. She miscarried the night I was forced to take the Dark Mark. She lived it as I experienced it. It has been that way with us ever since. And now once again she is with child, 16 weeks to be exact. I fear for her, and for our child. The loyalty tests and punishments…could be fatal to either or both of them. So too could my death.'

It was Dumbledore's turn to let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. All of this had been going on under his very nose and he'd been none the wiser.

Snape looked into the bowl.

There was the image of a little boy with black hair who looked like him, but had bright green almond-shaped eyes just like his mother.

'Exactly as Rowan said he would be…' he muttered in wonderment.

'16 weeks you said…'

'Yes,' Snape said idly as he stared at the image of his son. He looked closer. The child seemed to have something on his forehead.

The young Potions Master dismissed it as a trick of the now rippling water.

'Her due date is around the end of July...' he added.

There was something about the way Dumbledore was looking at him.

'Rowan is a gifted seer. A being quite rare and very valuable in our world,' said the Headmaster deliberately changing the subject.

'There is something else. She has revealed something to me I think is crucial to the outcome of this war; just last night.'

Dumbledore tapped the bowl with great purpose and waited. Snape was dismayed to see the image of his son disappear in a flash of flames and smoke.

_Was it just his imagination or had the child looked at him sadly and shook his head 'no'._

The Headmaster said nothing about this.

'Continue, Severus.'

Snape repeated the message Rowan had given him, word for word.

_'There is one to come when the world next grows dark at midday – the one Dark Lord believes will threaten his existence. A prophecy in a place unknown and incomplete to him reveals it. The one who wields great power and fear unto He Who Will Not Be Named witnessed the revealing from the charlatan who knows not. Three innocents come on that day, one will be chosen and it is he that will be set against him – the enmity mutual from the giving of a mark. The reign will come to an end but only for a time. The peace will be but an illusion…the second war to come more terrifying than the first should he be allowed to rise to full power…'_

Professor Dumbledore's glittered strangely yet again. He prodded a silvery orb and watched intensely as it let off great puffs of ectoplasm.

'We must do all that we can to protect Rowan,' he said quietly. 'The Fidelus…'

'The Fidelus?'

'Is achievable… Tom could be outside the sitting room window and would be none the wiser that there is even so much as a house there. I have seen for myself that it does work.'

Severus let out a thin sigh of relief. His countenance returned to its usual dour disposition.

'I am prepared to do whatever it will take rid our world of that abomination to wizard and human kind.'

'I cannot ask you to do any more than you have already done…'

'Your Order of the Phoenix is preyed upon like foxes during a hunt, it seems much too easy,' Snape said sharply, ignoring that last comment which he knew to be a blatant untruth. 'There is a scorpion in your midst, Headmaster. There must be.'

Dumbledore nodded.

'I see our troubles reaches even your ears. Tom's followers always did talk too much, especially where prudence was required. There is a growing suspicion amongst the old-timers that are left that one amongst us has been turned. We need to know for certain and sooner rather than later. An abundance of time is something we have not have. Tom is on the verge of assuming full powers, I have no doubt of that.'

'A connection to the Dark Lord's inner circle is something you also have not had. Until now.'

Dumbledore thought carefully before committing himself to what he knew was being suggested. It was just as well his former student had volunteered himself. If he hadn't he would have been volunteered by his former Headmaster. Snape was no fool. He was well aware of what the Headmaster would have had him do and knew how to play the game.

'There is one thing still to be done, Severus. I'm sure that you can understand why.'

Snape nodded as the headmaster emptied the clear contents of a small glass vial into his cup of tea. He drank it down is several gulps. His head felt heavy and his tongue thickened. Dumbledore questioned him on all that had been revealed so that he could be absolutely certain the young Potions Master was telling the truth. And also to be certain that he wasn't withholding any further information.

Once completed Professor Dumbledore gave him another drink containing the antidote to the Veritaserum-laced tea.

'How are you feeling?' the Headmaster asked.

_'Fine.'_

'Good. I need to make the necessary arrangements, particularly with regards to the Fidelus. A great deal of care must go into selecting the Secret-Keeper – but I believe we have someone reliable.'

The Fidelus Charm was a very intricate and complicated spell involving the magical concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, otherwise known as the Secret-Keeper, and going forward it would impossible to find unless the Secret-Keeper chose to divulge it. As long as the Secret-Keeper refused to speak, the area where Rowan lived could be searched for all eternity and she would never be found, not even if a searcher's nose was pressed against their kitchen window.

'And that is?'

'You know I cannot reveal that information, Severus. And it would serve no interest for you to know it.'

'The lives of my wife and my son are in danger! I have EVERY RIGHT to know who it is that is being entrusted with their lives!'

'Your wife?'

'She will be,' Snape said evenly. 'She might as well be already…'

'Still ambitious as ever,' Dumbledore said with a smile. 'If you are serious, a simple Handfasting can be arranged.'

Snape blinked.

'Well, I think it only fitting that I meet with your intended don't you? If she re-affirms her acceptance of your proposal then I will be happy to officiate, unofficially of course.'

Professor Dumbledore knew that Severus Snape was a proud and honourable man. Had circumstances permitted it he would have opted for a traditional courtship and Grand Handfasting. The Greasy Git of Hogwarts would have wanted to show the wizarding world that he both loved and was worth loving. He still had everything to prove personally as much as he did professionally. Rowan Morgause had to be an exceptional woman to see the beauty and goodness inside the menacing ugliness and irascibility that was the Potions Master.

It was an exceptional thing indeed that the Potions Master loved. Something not lost even on him.

'That would be acceptable,' Snape said crisply.

Dumbledore sighed. Once again the look on his face was nothing less than grave.

'There are arrangements to be made and all of this will take time, Severus. It goes without saying that you should take no greater risk than absolutely necessary. Especially in light of the change in your circumstances.'

'Indeed it does. I will report as soon as I can should anything change or new information comes to light.'

Dumbledore raised his hands.

_FLASH!_

Severus Snape was gone.

There was no sign that there had even been a visitor.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Snape walked quickly as he dared to get out of the freezing February rain with his travelling cloak wrapped tightly around him. Once again he was taking back roads to his destination. No Apparating or Disapparating, no portkeys, no floo powder and no using the broomstick he had stolen.

He still wouldn't take the chance that he was somehow being tracked.

Thankfully Dumbledore had left him about a five-minute walk from the gated wall. It didn't take him long to get home once he struggled with the broken lock on the gate. It vexed him to no end that there wasn't a magical solution to permanently repair it and once again he put it from his mind.

He had more important things to think about.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Rowan was wound tighter than a toy top; she practically pounced on him the minute he set foot in the house.

Snape hadn't explained where he was going or what he intended to do when he got there. The most he would say was that he was not going back to the Dark Lord; that he would wait it out until he was called. To go back voluntarily was like pouring oil on a fire, he'd said ruefully. Only if he failed to return to her within 24 hours should she do as they had planned some time ago.

Do whatever it took to contact Albus Dumbledore and get herself to Hogwarts.

The young Potions Master had collapsed on the soft and stretched out. He was tired, bone tired and it showed. Rowan brought him hot tea, a bowl of beef stew and warm slices of bread. She sat it down on the coffee table in their small sitting room.

'I could have gotten that for myself,' he said admonishingly.

'It gives me something to do – besides being such a thorn in your side…'

She got up to leave and he pulled her back down gently.

'Where is all this coming from?' he asked gently turning her face to his.

'Your life would be a lot better off without me, Severus. You should have just left me to my fate…'

The young Potions Master was hurt, deeply hurt, and made no attempt to hide it.

'No! It wouldn't! You know what it was like for me, Rowan! You are the only one who knows, and who has ever really cared to find things out for yourself. I don't know what I would do without you! You are the only thing – you and now our son – that keeps me going; that makes me want to live. You give me a reason to endure! You were meant to live – you were! The things that have happened…are the things that were meant to happen. We will get through this…'

His onyx-black eyes grew moist and glittered with unshed tears. He closed his eyes and inwardly admonished himself to get it together. He took a few minutes to calm himself. Rowan was the only person alive that could ever make him _feel_.

'I could say the say thing to you, lmy ove,' he said softly opening them again. 'Surely this is not the life you would have chosen for yourself? It was forced upon you…I should have done something…anything…!' his voice trailed off.

Rowan felt horrible for being in such a negative mood and laying her troubles squarely at his feet.

'I'm sorry, my darling, I shouldn't have said that…'

He took a drink of his tea and wiped his eyes.

'Come here,' he whispered.

Rowan still didn't look convinced. He knew that she was worried that she would end up being the reason he died at the hands of the Dark Lord and his followers. His girlfriend stretched out next to him, his dinner was forgotten. He held her in his arms and kissed her. Slow, deep kisses that revealed more about his feelings for her than words ever could.

Snape pulled back and looked into her eyes; those beautiful vibrant green eyes that had enraptured him for as long as he could remember.

'Everything will be alright,' he said quietly. 'I did something today – something to safeguard your future and the baby's I hope….'

Rowan didn't have to think.

'You – you went to Dumbledore didn't you?'

Snape nodded.

'Severus, are you mad? Have you lost your mind? Out of the frying pan and into the fire… If anyone finds out about you!'

'Where there is the Headmaster there is hope; for all of us. It will take some time, but everything is going to be alright. No one is going to find out anything…' Snape said trying to convince himself as much as the woman he loved.

'How?'

He then explained all that had happened that day and what the Headmaster was proposing to do. He left out only one set of details; those surrounding the scrying Dumbledore had done in the glass bowl. The images revealed still disturbed him. The images of his son who looked so much like himself but with his mother's eyes. A son that shook his head 'no' amidst fire and smoke.

'The Fidelus? There aren't too many wizards up to the task…' Rowan said cautiously.

'Dumbledore is...'

'Right,' Rowan sighed. 'The Greatest Wizard of the Age…'

'The Headmaster is the only one the Dark Lord has ever feared. We have to have faith that he knows what he is doing.'

'Even though his people are getting picked off left and right?'

'There are losses on both sides, Rowan. The Dark Lord's arrogance exceeds his abilities in crucial ways – and the same can be said of his most trusted inner circle. Malfoy is cut from the same cloth and Goddess willing one day it will cost him. I aim to be well out of it when that happens.'

'Well – I'm sure he will take great care then, especially in selecting the Secret-Keeper for us…' Rowan said quietly.

She and Severus tended to think alike in many ways, she thought to herself. No doubt he had already thought of all of this himself.

She reached a hand up and stroked his face.

'I am really lucky, you know…'

'Why is that?' Snape asked softly.

'Because I have you…'

He smiled ruefully.

'Everyone else would believe it a curse…'

'Their problem and their loss…not mine…'

The young Potions Master took a deep breath.

'There is something else...isn't there?' Rowan asked quietly.

'The incident last night; it wasn't just a simple matter of sickness. You relayed a message, one that you did not recall when you came to.'

Snape told her what she'd revealed the night before.

'Hmm it sounds as though something will give – and soon…' Rowan said hoping that she sounded more optimistic than she felt.

'Your assessment seems correct. I think it meant something to the Headmaster, which of course he kept to himself. It does not matter, we will get through this…'

But deep down both knew that no matter how positive a spin they tried putting on things, something didn't feel quite right.


	2. Something wicked this way comes

**Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.**

**Summary: It is the height of**** the 1****st**** War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. **_**Alternate Universe.**_

**Supernatural/Drama/Angst/Spiritual/Romance/Horror**

**This story is rated R/M. It is very intense and for mature readers only.**

**A Love Before Time (REPOST!)**

**Chapter 002: Something Wicked This Way Comes**

'NOOOOOOO! PLEEEEAAASSSEEEEEE HEEEEEELLLLLLPPPP MMMMMMEEEEEEE!' Rowan screamed and tossed violently from side to side.

'Rowan! Rowan!'

Snape grabbed onto her. It was all he could do to not jerk his hands away. Rowan was so hot it was as if she were on fire. Her face was bright red and tears streamed down her face. She was sweating profusely and her nightgown was soaked through.

'It's hot! It's so hot! Please NO – I don't want to die! Severus! Severus please!'

She was coughing now, choking. Her hands went up to her throat as her eyes opened wide. Though they were open she could not see.

'Rowan! It's Severus! I'm here, I'm here!'

'Severus pppllleeeeaaaaasssssseeeeee!' she whimpered as her hands reached out wildly and then were snatched back with a high pitched scream. It was as if she were in extreme agony.

'Wake up, love; come on – everything will be alright. You just have to wake up…..' Snape whispered softly as he cradled the woman he loved in his arms. Rowan was only a few weeks away from her due date and it seemed that her night terrors grew worse as the big day drew ever closer.

He began to rock her back and forth whispering softly in her ear. Rowan began to calm down. After a moment or two she closed her eyes and sank limply into the young Potions Master's caresses.

He reached over and grabbed his wand from the nightstand after removing her nightgown. He executed a cooling healing charm and to his immense relief his girlfriend responded. He could only be grateful that he was home when this happened.

After what felt like an eternity, the Headmaster was finally relocating them in another week's time. Given his other concerns with James and Lily Potter it was thought to be a more manageable situation if Rowan was near them in a village called Godric's Hollow. They were under the protection of the Fidelus, and the Secret-Keeper for the Order who was entrusted with their care would perform the same function for Rowan.

Snape had already been pressed back into service for the Dark Lord and was now in the innermost circle alongside Lucius Malfoy. On the one hand he was fortunate that he no longer had to toil under the oppressive conditions of Voldemort's laboratories. He wasn't spending more than a few hours at a time at the Dark Lord's side. His formidable intelligence and gifts with logic were quite useful. On the other hand, his Occlumency skills were being pushed to their limits. Snape would not allow himself to worry that one day this most essential of skills unknown to the Death Eaters would let down the woman he loved and their unborn child. It couldn't – it was as simple as that.

The young Potions Master was playing hard and fast with misinformation which he fed to his cohorts anonymously without them realising where it really came from. He was merely the messenger who prepared the reports for the Dark Lord, and as such was not culpable for their grave errors in intelligence gathering.

He needn't have worried about his abilities with Occlumency not passing muster.

Someone else would betray their situation.

…**xXxXxXx…**

_'Rowan….isn't dead?'_ Remus Lupin whispered hoarsely a week later. _'After all this…she isn't dead…'_

He'd finally returned from the farthest reaches of the Outer Hebrides in the North Sea where he'd met with the Alpha leadership of the some of the fiercest of the werewolf colonies in the British Isles. He had only thrown himself in so deep with his duties for the Order because he needed to exorcise the considerable demons of his failed relationship with the only girl whom he'd ever dared love. He'd been gone for almost three months. Though it had been almost seven years since they were together he still was not over her.

Dumbledore looked at his former student and valued member of The Order of the Phoenix with a slight frown Lupin did not see.

'Rowan? I take it you have more than just a passing familiarity with Miss Morgause, Remus?' he said evenly. The Headmaster was not pleased that once again he had been very ignorant of what had gone on beneath his crooked nose.

The young werewolf nodded his head slowly as he stood gazing out a window. The lake glistened in the moonlight and there was only the gentlest of breezes as the giant squid waved its tentacles about playfully. It was the perfect British summer night; just as it had been all those years ago when he and Rowan had made love for the first time. It might as well have been a lifetime ago – so many things had changed for them both since then.

Rowan deserved more than he could ever give her, he had thought at the time. He had broken things off with her suddenly without much of an explanation not long after each lost their virginity to the other. Lupin had panicked – Rowan had had no idea about his affliction and he couldn't summon his considerable Gryffindor bravery to tell her. He should have told her from the beginning, but his feelings for her and desperate need to be liked got the better of him.

'We…were close…very close…for a time…as students,' Lupin said quietly. He ran a shaky hand through his light brown hair and tried not to give into the heartache that had been just below the surface. 'I last saw her just before she disappeared – I should have done more for her.'

Dumbledore decided not to press the issue.

'Miss Morgause is about to give birth…the end of July.'

Lupin snapped his head around sharply.

_'Rowan is pregnant? With everything going on? Who? Who is the father?'_

'That is not important. What concerns us is her due date – _the end of July_,' the Headmaster replied looking at the young werewolf over his half-moon spectacles.

Now was not the time to open _that_ particular can of worms.

_'No!'_

**BAM! **

Before Lupin could say another word the door to the Headmaster's office flew open and Sirius Black raced into the expansive room.

'All set,' he said breathlessly. 'I will swing by tomorrow night and…'

He stopped short at the sight of the young werewolf who looked at him with no trace of emotion.

'Lupin,' he said curtly.

'Sirius,' Lupin replied evenly.

For the life of him, the young werewolf couldn't understand why Sirius' demeanour towards him had changed over the six months or so. It was almost as if they were total strangers. There was an atmosphere between them that made no sense. Sirius was reckless and had always seemed to take pleasure in making Lupin feel like something was wrong with him because he was the least arrogant and most sensible of the Marauders. But Lupin had yet to have his first time of ever behaving that way towards the young man he'd idolised along with James Potter when they were at school together. Things were the worst that they had ever been between them.

Sirius Black, still the most Devil-May-Care of all the Marauders, eyeballed his old friend silently for only the briefest of moments before returning his attention to the matter at hand.

'Everything is arranged, Professor. There is another cottage on the other side of the Hollow ready and waiting…just outside the village…'

'Very good, Sirius. I will entrust Miss Morgause's care to you – I have been summoned by the Wizengamot and it looks like it will be a long day…'

'Professor – what is going on? Am I to understand that you are moving Rowan to Godric's Hollow…?' Lupin asked incredulously.

Of all the people in the world to trust Rowan's life with, he was not confident that it should be with Sirius. And to relocate her to the Hollow – something about that didn't seem quite right to him and he said so.

Black did not fail to hide his suspicion. He rounded on his old friend and stood nose to nose.

'Just what are you playing at, eh Moony? You know; it's funny how everything seems to happen when you conveniently aren't here – and right after the strategy meetings. Are we supposed to trust her with you – is that it? Just like we were supposed to trust you with the Boneses!'

The young werewolf stayed silent. Sirius wasn't interested in very much he had to say these days. It seemed the longer the war went on the worse it got.

'Yeah – right. Keep your gob shut – as usual…' Black hissed.

'Jonathan Bones took matters into his own hands, Sirius,' Professor Dumbledore said sternly. 'It was a grave mistake to confront suspected Death Eaters – and in the Hogs Head of all places! Remus cannot be blamed for another man's foolish actions. He did the best he could under the circumstances!'

Black sniffed.

The Headmaster could say what he liked until the cows came home; but as far as he was concerned Lupin had turned traitor and they were stupid to not sort him out – properly. He didn't have to say it; the Headmaster knew exactly what he was thinking.

'I would trust Remus Lupin with my life,' he said evenly.

There was no twinkle in his eyes or smile on his lips.

Black scowled.

'Relocate Miss Morgause under the cover of darkness, Sirius. By the time she is settled I should have returned from the Ministry,' said the Headmaster.

'And after…?'

'One step at a time.'

Black's temper was on the verge of getting the best of him. Dumbledore was likely to entrust the care of Rowan Morgause to the werewolf.

'That will be all Sirius.'

Black turned on his heels and steamed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

'Professor – Lily and James – I understand your concerns, but I am quite capable of being their Secret-Keeper and Rowan's.'

Professor Dumbledore liked his former student and cared a lot about him. Remus Lupin had become a good friend to him particularly in the years since he'd left school. But his affliction was dangerous and they couldn't take the risk especially because of his transformations every month. The Headmaster chose his words carefully.

'Remus – I have no doubt that you are very capable. You are one of the most sensible, reasonable, gifted people I know. If anyone is particularly well-suited for the task it most definitely is you. But…'

'But you can't take the chance because of my affliction. Keeping the Secret is one thing – my situation is another. One has nothing to do with the other Albus. You know that.'

_'Remus, we just can't take the chance that at a time when you are most needed and relied upon your affliction will incapacitate you. '_

'We are talking about keeping the Secret; so what if I have a few days a month where I am away from all of this?'

'I'm sorry. The Potters and Miss Morgause are our top priority along with the Longbottoms. I do not mean to hurt you – but things must be as they are. Too much is at risk now – especially in light of this latest prophecy from Miss Morgause. I must do what I think best for the greater good of us all.'

Lupin swallowed.

'OK,' he said in a quiet voice that was almost a whisper. 'I just wanted to do what I know is right by my friends.'

But it did hurt him to his core that no one seemed to trust him with anything; and just because he was a werewolf.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Rowan fidgeted as she quickly packed hers and Severus' bags. He had been summoned by the Dark Lord only a few hours before Sirius Black arrived on her doorstep with Madam Pomfrey. She charmed everything including books and art supplies to minute sizes and put them in a large carrying case.

She was quiet and did not speak unless it was to answer questions. She and Snape had had their first real argument since becoming a couple and it did not sit well with her that they had parted in anger. She hadn't meant to upset him or make him cross – but she had to tell him the truth. She had no control over what was happening or what was to come. Snape wasn't having any of it – she had gone too far with her madness and he wanted it to stop, he'd yelled at her before storming out.

Once downstairs she took a last look around the little cottage that had been the only real home she'd ever known.

It was not easy to leave it, knowing that by doing so she was going to her death.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Sooooo…what brings you here, Pettigrew?' drawled Lucius Malfoy with a sneer two weeks later as he walked into his study at The Manor. He'd just killed one of his house-elves for allowing the visitor in without consulting him first. He then gave several others a bloody good hiding to serve as an example.

'Information…that would be most useful to Lord Voldemort!'

'And that would have what to do with me?'

Malfoy was no fool. Under no circumstance was he to admit to this simpleton that he was not only a Death Eater, but was in the Inner Circle of Voldemort's trusted servants.

'I…I…know that you have his ear…I know that you have connections to the top.'

The silvery-blonde-haired aristocratic wizard eyeballed his visitor with more than a hint of disdain. What was the wizarding world coming to when the best that the Dark Lord could do was to recruit imbecilic vermin like this?

'So…what is this information such that you are so careless in putting it forward?'

'That is for his ears only,' said the little rat-faced man taking more of a risk than the situation was worth.

Malfoy idly stroked the serpent head of his walking stick as if in deep concentration.

'You forget yourself Pettigrew. However, I must assume that this information is extremely valuable and reliable in order for you to be so reckless with that fabled Gryffindor bravery you are supposed to be in possession of!'

'His Lordship will want to hear what I have to say!'

'There is this teeny, tiny, little thing called protocol, Pettigrew. Surely you have heard of it?'

The little rat-faced man rocked from side-to-side as he stood knitting his hands nervously in front of Malfoy's large Mahogany desk.

_'CRUCIO!' _Malfoy bellowed.

Pettigrew hit the floor hard and rocked from side-to-side his mouth drawn in a silent scream.

'I will not ask you again, Pettigrew!'

It suddenly occurred to Malfoy that he had better release the spell so that the information could at least be given before he killed the idiot.

'It…It's the Potters…they are under protection by the Order!' Pettigrew sputtered as he desperately tried to breathe. 'They have been relocated!'

Malfoy barely had time to grin like a Chesire Cat when the little rat-faced man spoke up again.

'…and Rowan Morgause...they have found her and are putting her under protection as well!'

'Well, well, well! You most certainly have far exceeded any expectations I had of you – ahh _Wormtail_…'

Before Wormtail had a chance to fully recover, Malfoy aimed his wand at the fireplace. There was an eruption of black flames and then out stepped the Dark Lord himself.

'What do you have for me, Malfoy?' Voldemort hissed darkly. 'No doubt it is of the highest imperative for _me_ to be_ summoned_ to _you!_'

'Tell his Lordship, _Wormtail_ – tell him everything you have just told me or I swear your next breath will be your last you snivelling gobshyte!'

The rat-faced young man told all that he knew – which really wasn't much, but it was enough to put him in the seeming good graces of Lord Voldemort. Before he had a chance to think about it he was branded with the Dark Mark – the peculiar brand of a magical tattoo that bound all of Voldemort's servants to him as long as he had life.

'B…but…' Pettigrew sputtered as he looked at it in horror.

He hadn't meant to get involved so deep. He had only wanted to get back at James Potter and Sirius Black for how he'd been treated by them for far too long. If he could make a little something for himself on the side in the way of a grace-and-favour arrangement even at the cost of their deaths then so be it. But he had never thought of anything like _this_.

'Am I to understand that I do not have your loyalty and commitment – _Wormtail_ is it?' hissed the Dark Lord. 'Did you foolishly believe that you would be free to come and go as you chose? Did you honestly think that you could pick and choose your level of commitment? Nooo – I rather suppose you did not think, did you Wormtail!'

'Gryffindors were never known for cunning or brains – our friend Peter Pettigrew here is living proof of that, my Lord. One should always know what one is letting oneself in for Pettigrew. You need to learn how to crawl before you can walk,' Malfoy drawled with a hint of a smirk. 'I expect regular reports from you going forward for our Lord. And woe betides you should you fail him!'

'You are privy to information from the Order. I expect that your reports will be nothing less than reliable! I want to know exactly where they are!' Voldemort hissed dangerously. 'Is that clear, Pettigrew!'

'C…crystal…your excellency!'

Voldemort turned to his Second-In-Command.

'Well done, Malfoy. I knew you would not let me down.'

'By your command, Sir,' came the answer with a slight bow.

Malfoy would only do just enough to curry favour with the Dark Lord without being a complete sycophant.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'So…_Sev-ver-rus_…a return to _civilisation_ from _Wales_?' Malfoy sneered several hours later.

Like many English, he had no time or patience with the principality or its denizens. Under different circumstances he and Severus Snape would have never crossed paths. He never missed the opportunity to belittle his greasy-haired comrade in some way about this and any other perceived faults.

Snape was no Dunderhead.

He kept his cool and paid attention to what was unsaid as much as what was.

'It is a roof over my head, Lucius; one I am fortunate I don't have to pay for as meagre as it is,' he replied evenly. 'We cannot all be so privileged as you are.'

The blonde laughed as he looked over the pale, dour-faced man standing in front of his desk.

'No – you most certainly can't be can you, eh Severus?'

'So it would seem,' the young Potions Master replied crisply as he handed over a package. 'Here are the last of the potions you requested.'

'Very good. I applaud your efficiency. It's dreadful that they take three months to achieve potency, but the end result will be well worth it…'

Snape knew better than to ask what they would be used for. Malfoy would only report his questioning to the Dark Lord.

'By your command,' he said with a slight nod.

He would only do just enough to stay on Malfoy's "good side" without being a complete sycophant as many of the others were.

'The Dark Lord has noted your prompt and loyal service, Severus. As a reward, you may go – but remember…should you be summoned…leave whatever whore it is that you have to pay for some ahh – _attention_. Though God knows you need it!'

'I will Disapparate immediately to his side as always, Lucius.'

'Excellent – so glad to see at least one of the rank-and-file has some common sense,' Malfoy laughed.

Snape forced himself to laugh with him though inside he was raging with anger.

'I will tell the Dark Lord I was wrong about you – you are one of the most reliable and loyal of his servants.' Malfoy said with an almost regal air.

'You are too kind,' Snape replied with a slight bow.

_'Quite…' _Malfoy said as he rang a bell.

A young woman was brought in by his henchman, Cornelius Crabbe and Garfield Goyle. Snape guessed her to be not more than 16 years old and of Romany Gipsy stock.

'I would ask you to stay for a drink, Severus, but I have more urgent _needs_ to attend to,' Malfoy said darkly with a dismissing wave of his hand.

Snape nodded and exited The Manor as quickly as he dared. Malfoy would never lower himself to socialise with the likes of him. The young Potions Master couldn't get out of Wiltshire fast enough. He would not allow himself to feel anything for the young woman that Malfoy and his goons were no doubt ravishing at this very moment. He could only fleetingly hope her death would be quick. Her last hours on this earth would be nothing less than horrifying.

He returned his attention to the matter at hand. There was only one woman he needed to concern himself with and he was keen to make up for the angry way in which they'd parted.

Rowan was being moved near the border between England and Wales not far from his boyhood home in Snowdonia.

It would make the ruse about his living arrangements much easier to carry out.

Or so he thought.


	3. Revelations

**Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.**

**Summary: It is the height of**** the 1****st**** War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. **_**Alternate Universe.**_

**Supernatural/Drama/Angst/Spiritual/Romance/Horror**

**This story is rated R/M. It is very intense and for mature readers only.**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS INTIMATE & NON-CONSENSUAL SITUATIONS DURING WARTIME. IT ALSO CONTAINS SL****ASH! (MALE)**

**A Love Before Time (REPOST)**

**Chapter 003: Revelations**

'I don't have much time,' Snape said hurriedly as he entered his new home a few days later. There was barely enough time to look around. 'Where is Rowan?'

'She is with the Potters, Severus; just for the afternoon. The Secret-Keeper thought it important for her to have some company. Every provision has been taken to ensure her safety,' said Professor Dumbledore. 'It's not easy for her all alone, so close to her Due Date…'

Snape tried to keep his cool. The Headmaster wasn't telling him something he didn't already know. He really needed to talk to Rowan – to make things right between them. It seemed that circumstances were conspiring against them. He didn't like being apart from her with such an atmosphere between them. But most of all he needed to know that she didn't hate him for having been so cruel to her. He loved her more than anything – and the last thing he had wanted to do was to hurt her.

'I was hoping to have at least a little time with her,' he said in a small voice that was little more than a faint whisper. 'Nevermind.'

Snape looked at his timepiece and then cleared his throat.

'I had hoped I would be left alone – but it would seem the Dark Lord means to keep me occupied. Malfoy is the brawn and I am the brains quote unquote…even when I am sending them on wild goose chases that they know nothing about.'

Dumbledore frowned, but before he could speak the young Potions Master spoke up.

'The Dark Lord seems very concerned about something. I am not quite sure of the specifics – but it has something to do a sort of messianic figure that will have the ability to destroy him. He is considering this a grave threat and will do anything prevent it…'

The Headmaster's eyebrows shot up into his sparkling Fez of a cap.

'Tom has indicated this – in the presence of the rank and file?'

'Oh no – he is far too clever for that. It was a meeting that involved only a few of the Inner Circle. Fortunately I was not present so suspicion would never fall on my shoulders. I merely kept my ears open and once again Rosier did not disappoint; a few Firewhiskeys and Dragon Absinth chasers laced with memory eliminating potion sufficed. For good measure I made sure he was found falling-down drunk and completely oblivious as to how he'd gotten that way... Needless to say, I read between the lines as it were. Malfoy thinks all that is necessary to rectify the situation is a summary execution. I know it cannot be as simple as that.'

Dumbledore took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly.

'Right you are, Severus.'

'There…is something else,' Snape said hesitantly.

Dumbledore sighed and then gave a slight nod of the head.

'The Dark Lord was privy to a prophecy, Headmaster. This prophecy is thought by him to give a strong indication as to how his downfall may come about. This information was relayed at the Hogs Head to you. I would have thought that you of all people would have known better to meet there…even in a so-called private room.'

Dumbledore frowned and the little remaining light in his eyes went out.

He looked at the young Potions Master and his blue eyes were unflinching.

'How is it that you know of this, Severus?'

Silence.

_'Severus!'_

'I…It was me who was outside the door that your associate confronted. I did not hear all of it – only part of it. I did not realise it was you that Sybil Trelawney was meeting with until it was too late. Rosier and Avery ran off before I could even contemplate an Obliviation. I had no choice but to report to the Dark Lord. It was just as well I did – they reported the situation to him. I am not trusted, Headmaster; not entirely.'

_'We are doomed!'_

Snape blinked and he began to pace the floor.

'Perhaps not,' he said cautiously.

'Oh?'

The young Potions Master was thinking. And as was his way in logically analysing the finer details, he remained silent.

'Severus; I implore you!'

Snape held up a gloved hand. His black eyes moved heavenward and a faint smile played across his lips.

'The Dark Lord did not hear the entire prophecy, Headmaster.'

Dumbledore breathed what was obviously a sigh of relief. But they were not out of the woods yet.

'The Dark Lord is obsessed with living at all costs. He is taking this threat to his existence very seriously. _He has interpreted the Prophecy to mean that the threat will come around the time of the solar eclipse,_' Snape said firmly. 'One thing is certain: the Death Eaters will be taking every opportunity to engage in wholesale carnage. No one will be safe on that day.'

'I would expect nothing less….' Dumbledore said thoughtfully. 'I don't set great store in Prophecies – far too many have never come true to ever take them seriously. However, as for the eclipse – yes I certainly made a connection that this could be the day which would mark the true beginning of the end of Tom's reign of terror. It would appear that we are in store for a great upheaval…'

'I am quite certain the Death Eaters will take advantage of the Eclipse to do something particularly mindless and brutal in the quest to find this Messiah. It is imperative that Rowan not be alone…'

'Yes – you are quite right!'

'There is not much time left before she gives birth and I am keen that she should not take any risks, not matter how bored or lonely she might feel. The Dark Lord has spies everywhere I can assure you; that is why I wanted to meet you here. I wouldn't even trust the Darkest of Glamours; at least not until I can devise a potion capable of circumventing the Dark's Lord's methods of detection.'

'Yes…indeed,' said Dumbledore. 'You have done well in spite of the circumstances, Severus. You have put yourself and your life on the line in a way that no other has.'

'Let us not count the proverbial chickens before they hatch, Headmaster.'

'Good advice, my son; you would do well to remember it.'

'One more thing,' Snape said crisply after biting back a futile retort. 'Now that I have been moved to the Inner Circle I expect it will be a matter of time before I find out who the scorpion in your midst is. One way or another there is bound to be a slip-up. As soon as I have that information you will need to act with immediacy.'

Dumbledore nodded. The Greatest Wizard of the Age was more than frustrated that none of the preventative measures he'd taken seemed to be stopping their betrayer.

'I'm sorry – I must be on my way. I have been inundated with unexpected visitors. Given my rather poorly state there are assumptions about the company I am keeping; assumptions which I have neither confirmed nor denied. My ruse will fall apart if I am not careful!'

'Of course… Look after yourself, Severus. Take no risks other than those which are absolutely necessary.'

'No one wants this to end more than I do, I assure you Headmaster. I just want my life back!'

But even as he said it, Snape knew that given his personal circumstances it was highly unlikely he would ever manage to have his life back in the truest sense. He owed Voldemort and the Death Eaters, Professor Dumbledore and even James Potter for saving his life as a student. He owed far too many people because of his own stupid mistakes. It seemed as though it would take more than one lifetime to repay those debts. He'd never really had a normal life as such – but that was definitely what he wanted. A normal life with the woman he adored and their child.

Snape quickly took his leave. As he left the little cottage an eerie sense of foreboding caused shivers to run down his back.

_'No…' _he whispered as he mounted his stolen broom. 'Everything will be alright.'

He looked back at the home he would never have in the distance. There was this unrelenting fear that he would never hold Rowan in his arms again; that he would never be with her ever again.

'_Rowan…Rowan…_ _Please Goddess let her be wrong…just this once; please let her be wrong…_'

…**xXxXxXx…**

'All this time, Rowan,' Lily Evans Potter said quietly. 'All this time I never gave up hope that somehow, _some way_ – you made it…and that I would see you again one day!'

Both young women were fighting back tears. They had been good friends at school. In spite of their seeming closeness – there was always a part of Rowan that had remained closed to Lily and all who knew her. Everyone, with the notable exception of Severus Snape.

'I need to tell someone or I will burst…' Rowan mumbled. 'I hate having no one to talk to…'

'What is it? What's wrong – well besides this situation?'

Rowan wiped her cheeks and looked at her former housemate.

'Promise me, Lily, promise me you won't breathe a word of this to anyone – especially James!'

Lily paused only for the slightest of moments and then nodded her agreement. There were plenty of things she had never spoken to James about – this would just have to be another one.

'I promise, Rowan. I promise that whatever we speak of stays between us.'

Rowan let out a heavy breath she did not realise she was holding.

'It's Severus, Lily. It's Severus who is the father of my child…'

Rowan explained all that had happened between her and the young Potions Master, the Greasy Git of Hogwarts. Though Lily failed to hide her considerable shock, she listened without prejudice – as Rowan had known she would. Rowan poured her heart and soul out to the only person in the world who could offer her any solace besides her beloved Severus.

'I always believed, that deep down, there was more than just a bit of good in him,' Lily said thoughtfully. 'All it took was the right person – I always believed that.'

'Really?'

'Mmm hmm; I'm glad you have each other. Both of you were so alone – you deserve to happy, Rowan and so does Severus. You've got a good man and he's got an even better woman; don't ever let anyone tell you differently.'

Despite the issues that Lily had had with him in their Fifth Year – she was happy that Snape had proven himself to be much more than anyone ever gave him credit for. He had called her a 'Mudblood' – a racist term favoured by Purebloods towards Muggle-born and Half-and-Half wizards and witches. Snape had said it in the heat of embarrassment at Lily trying to help him when James Potter and Sirius Black humiliated him in front of most of the school. Like everything else about Snape and his life – that most peculiar situation with Lily was very complex. No one had any idea that they had been friends since childhood, not even her husband James.

'I don't know Lil – I always thought I was more trouble to Severus than I am worth…I guess he agrees since he's given up on me.'

'Don't think like that! _Everything he's done for you – everything he has risked his life for; it's because he loved you Ro! _He always did I think…but his hands are tied trying to deal with this situation. Regardless of whatever he does for the Headmaster, Voldemort still owns him – lock, stock and barrel…it's a dangerous tightrope he's walking – having to convince Voldemort that what he is really doing is spying on the Headmaster for him when it's the exact opposite!'

'I think he's always had massive pash on you…I was just some cheap substitute. You're so beautiful and good…you're everything that I always wished I was…all the boys fancied you like mad you know…including him.'

Tears started streaming down Rowan's face at the memory of her secret heartache all those years ago; the heartache that had never really gone away. She had always been compared to her more popular housemate. Compared to Lily she was second-rate. This is what she felt and said.

Lily let go of her own formidable emotions and started crying as she shook her head 'no' as she hugged her old friend.

_'Oh for God's sake – I can't leave you two alone for five minutes without the waterworks starting up!' _

'James?' Oh my God! _JAMES_!'

Rowan forgot how heavy with pregnancy she was and jumped up from the sofa as much as she could do all things considering. She launched herself at her old Housemate and let him embrace her in a tight hug.

'It's great to see you too, Sis,' he whispered softly.

It was one of the most scandalous things they'd ever heard of when it was discovered that Rowan had been tossed aside by her parents. Lily had always counted herself fortunate that her parents had loved her. The Evans' had cherished her until they took their last breath when ambushed and murdered by a band of Death Eaters on the Isle of Man. It never mattered to them that Lily was magical and they were not. Mark and Nancy Evans had been very proud of their daughter's accomplishments at Hogwarts.

Lily and James both had befriended their housemate in the wake of her misfortune and they had been close ever since.

James stepped back and took a good look at the young woman who was the sister he never had. He and Lily would have never sorted out their differences if it hadn't been for her. He felt he owed Rowan more than she could possibly understand. Had he told her when they were at school it would have made all the difference in the world to her.

Now it was too late.

'You're looking good Bro – Although I see that a comb and brush still haven't become part of your repertoire,' Rowan replied with a grin as she ruffled his messy black hair after wiping tears from her cheeks.

'Hey – watch it there woman! It takes great skill and finesse to achieve such fine styling!'

Lily burst out laughing and rolled her eyes.

'He still loves that whole 'Quidditch Head' thing!'

'I've got news for you old man – you're married now. Not exactly a turn-on for the ladies if you know what I mean,' Rowan said with a wink at Lily as she tapped his wedding band.

'Oooeerrr I don't know it!' James drawled as he blew on his nails and then ran them up and down his chest. 'Some sweet things go for the more _* cough * _experienced _* cough * _man _* cough *_ …'

'Goddess help us – some things do not change!' Rowan said as tried not to laugh.

'Don't mind him – he's all talk. I'd hex him into the next millennium if he even so much as thought about another woman and he bloody well knows it!'

'Yes, Dear; of course Dear; anything you say Dear,' James said dropping to his knees and scooting across the floor to his wife.

He lifted up her maternity smock and kissed the giant bump that he was convinced was a girl.

'Has to be a girl – you're as big as two dozen Quaffles!' he said for about the one hundredth time since her belly expanded.

Lily gave him a gentle smack on the head.

'What was that for?' James grumbled as he tried to fix his hair into the perfect mess just to annoy his two favourite ladies.

'Don't know what you're on about Dear – must be the wind!'

'It's already June, James Harold Potter,' Rowan said cheekily.

'Damn heatwave – frying my brains...'

'Well, if you must know,' Rowan said slyly.

Lily and James snapped to attention. They had been aching to know if Rowan saw anything but couldn't find the courage to ask her.

'Lily is carrying a troll!'

Cushions flew at her from the other side of the room.

Rowan burst into laughter.

'OK…if you haven't decided on a name yet…'

Lily's green eyes were dancing with excitement.

_'Oh, for the love of Mike…' _James roared ready to pounce.

'Actually, I think _Harry_ would be perfect…' Rowan said gently with a big smile. 'Mike Potter – bad idea…doesn't have that ring to it…'

_'NO!' _roared James.

'Yep…' Rowan said quietly as an image of a black-haired boy with his mother's green almond-shaped eyes and a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt over his Third Eye swam before her eyes.

A couple of blinks and he was gone.

'I'M GOING TO HAVE A_ SON_! NOW HOW ABOUT _THAT_!' James roared with pride. 'First in a long line of cracking Quidditch players!'

'Oh my God here we go!' yelled Lily as she burst into excited laughter.

_'WHO'S THE DADDY?' _James yelled as he danced around the room with Lily in his arms.

'Erm – I hope you are, James…' Rowan said innocently.

'I am so happy I will just have to ignore the fact that you are winding me up…some things never change, eh Ro?'

'First time for everything then, eh Prongs…'

The three Gryffindors launched into reminiscences about James and the other Marauders. For the whole of their last two years at school, Professor Dumbledore never knew that he had three unregistered Animagi running about the place. James, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black had each learned to transfigure themselves into an animal to keep Remus Lupin company when he transformed every month at the Full Moon. Sirius became a large black dog, Peter a rat and James a stag – hence their nicknames for each other of Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs. There had been one too many close calls which were nothing less than dangerously reckless now that James recounted some of their exploits.

_BAM! BAM! BAM!_

All three went silent.

'There wasn't supposed to be anyone but you, right?' Lily whispered softly as her eyes went wide.

All Rowan could do was nod her head in agreement.

_'Ahh come on hurry up – a man in serious need of the loo here!' came a hoarse voice through the door._

Rowan snapped her head at the sound of that voice.

_'No…' _she whispered as she held her hands to her face.

'Oh yes…' Lily said quietly as James went to open the door. 'He's overdue for a visit.'

The two young women went quiet as they listened to the door opening and closing. There were the unmistakable sounds of greetings exchanged which included what had to be some backslapping. There was a bit of conversation going on in the front hall but neither could make it out much. Then came the tell tale sound of a door opening and closing and then a flush.

_'She's here at the moment actually…' _they heard James say a few minutes later.

There was a reply and then footfalls as James and the visitor made their way to the sitting room.

Lily's eyes widened in shock.

'Erm – I think I better go get some lemonade…James?'

'Huh – Oh – Right! Yeah – we better go make some tea…'

_'Lemonade,'_ Rowan whispered through her tears as she set eyes on the visitor.

'Eh? Oh – Erm – Right! Yeah…'

James helped Lily up from one of the two sofas in the room and they made a discreet exit.

_'Damn it Lily I wanted to see that…they'll end up making out, you watch!' _he whispered under his breath.

'I wouldn't bet on it,' Lily said under her breath as she gave him a poke in the ribs. She shooed him off to the kitchen and closed the sitting room door behind them.

'Rowan,' came a delicate whisper as the visitor knelt down in front of her taking her hands in his.

'Remus – _Oh Remus I'm so sorry_!'

The young woman broke down into heart-wrenching sobs and the young werewolf sat on the sofa and pulled her into his arms.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Everything will be alright,' Lupin murmured as he stroked strands of fiery red hair off Rowan's face.

'No – it won't!' she whispered.

'Don't talk like that; don't even think it!'

'I will die here, Remus. I won't even live long enough to see this miserable war end!'

Lupin closed his eyes and blinked back tears. If nothing else he had always been practical and a realist. But this – this was different. Thought he had always believed in Rowan's gift, even someone as truly gifted as she could make a mistake. Seers were well known for not being as accurate or objective as they thought they could or should be when it came to their own lives and he told her so.

'You have a point, Remus,' Rowan said gently as she closed her eyes and settled into his cuddle. 'But…'

'No 'buts', Rowan' he admonished her gently. 'Expectant mothers often have night terrors – terrors reflecting the fears they have about such dramatic change in their lives. This is nothing more than that – you have to believe it…'

'I could easily accept it – if it was the truth…'

The young werewolf tilted her head up gently.

'Look at me Rowan…'

Green eyes met amber and once again Rowan found herself blinking back tears.

'You will have a beautiful baby and long life…'

Lupin couldn't say anything else. He just couldn't verbalize anything that was positive about the fact that she was obviously with another man.

'Why did you do it, Remus?'

'Do what?'

_'Why did you abandon me?'_

Lupin swallowed and couldn't find the words to explain his actions all those years ago. He didn't have the maturity or strength that he did now, he had tried to convince himself. But it seemed just a pitiful excuse as he had known exactly what he was doing at the time.

'Do you remember – I tried talking to you and you wouldn't hear me out…' she whispered. 'I knew – Remus… _I knew what you were_… I know what you are…_it never mattered to me_ – **it still doesn't!**'

The young werewolf's eyes widened in surprise.

And then he leaned in and kissed her gently.

_'Remus…'_

Lupin put a finger to her lips.

'It's OK, Rowan. I know that things have changed. I just want for things to be right between us – and to help you if I can,' he said sadly.

'Still love me?' she whispered tearfully.

'I'm afraid so – whether you want me to or not,' came a choked reply.

It was Rowan's turn to hold and comfort him.

'I will always love you – come what may,' Lupin whispered as they pulled apart.

'I'm sorry…Remus I'm so sorry…for everything…' she whispered.

'It's not your fault, Ro – I never should have run away. All I have ever done is to run away…and now…I've lost the only person in the world who ever loved me!'

The young werewolf burst into tears and Rowan held him tightly as he gently rubbed her baby bump. She smoothed his hair and whispered softly to him. It was as if what had transpired all those years ago had never happened. Remus had never been one for really sharing his emotions, but he always had with her. She knew that it was a precious thing indeed and a testament to what she most definitely had to mean to him. His feelings were not something she had ever taken for granted.

'I do care about you, Remus,' she said softly. 'I always did.'

_'Well, well – look at what we have here! How touching! Certainly didn't waste any time did you Lupin!' _hissed Sirius Black.

Rowan and Lupin pulled away from each other, but there was a palpable something between them just the same.

'I better get my things…it's getting late and I'm not supposed to be out after dark,' she said quietly.

'How convenient of you to realise that Morgause; especially considering you shouldn't have been out in the first place!'

'I beg your pardon! You were the one who brought me here – Remember O expert Secret Keeper! _I "shouldn't be left alone to go mental" _you said. _I needed "to be out in the thick of it like everybody else" _you said. "_Life wasn't worth living" _if I "_had to stay locked up like some common ghoul"_ according to you! You're such a bloody hypocrite Sirius Black! And a shyte-stirrer – you always were!'

'Ignore him, Rowan. Sirius, I don't know what has gotten into you but whatever your problems are with me should remain with me. Leave her out of it,' Lupin said evenly.

'You always did work fast, Morgause. So – is the werewolf your sloppy seconds since whoever knocked you up can't be arsed with you anymore, hmm?'

'_Not that it's any of your business, but the fact of the matter is that Remus broke up with me_ and _without much of an explanation_. And it was another four months or so before I became involved elsewhere, actually. I suggest you get your facts straight before shooting off your gob, Black!'

His former housemate hadn't even batted so much as an eyelash at hearing the news that her ex-boyfriend was a werewolf. Rather than assuage his suspicions it only magnified them.

'You might have everyone else fooled, but I'm onto you Lupin,' Blacked snapped menacingly. 'You too, Morgause – butter wouldn't melt in your mouth in front of the Headmaster – but I've got your number alright!'

'Rowan – who is the father of your child?' the young werewolf asked quietly.

'I'm sorry, Remus, but some things are best unsaid and left alone. What is important is that all of you were so consumed by your Marauder antics that you ignored me. And then when Lily and James got together I was on the outside looking in at Hogwarts' golden couple. None of you were talking to me much back then. _I was so alone!_ _All I ever really had was the father of my child._ He was always really good to me once we became friends. We become involved and stayed together even after we left school. Everything was alright – until…'

'Rowan – I'm so sorry! I had no idea you felt like that!' Lily said hoarsely.

'I'm sorry – I don't mean to be hurtful; honestly I don't. But, it's the truth Lily. What you and James have is great – but there isn't any room for anyone else. Just like there wasn't any room for anyone else with the mighty Marauders. Even then it was always been about James and Sirius – it still is…everyone worships the ground they walk on. _Even Peter – and God knows he was treated like rubbish…_'

'You ungrateful Bitch!' hissed Sirius. 'You were nothing but a parasite – hitching your wagon to whoever gave you the time of day! And from the looks of things nothing has changed. Your little-girl-lost act doesn't work on me. I don't give a shyte about you – you deserve whatever you've got coming to you! As far as I am concerned, Dumbledore would be smarter to throw you back where he found you – you and that bastard child of yours!'

Lupin stood up fast and with three quick strides was nose to nose with the man he realised he really didn't know as much as he'd wanted to believe he did.

_'__Sirius get over yourself! Rowan always saw right through you and you hated her for it! You hate her because she is telling the truth and was one of the few who said 'no' to you__!'_

'Rowan's right,' James said firmly as he stepped between his two friends. 'We hurt a lot of people with what we did. _We were bullies, Sirius; arrogant, obnoxious bullies. We were filled with our own self-importance and too reckless to care. _I'm sorry, Ro – I always thought of you like the sister I never had… I should have treated you a lot better than I did despite what I thought… I should have done a lot of things differently.'

'Thanks James. It's water under the bridge though – we have much more important things to think about,' Rowan said quietly blinking back hot tears.

It was too little, too late. Even James and Lily had to admit it to themselves though they dared not give voice to it.

'I don't believe it – James, mate – **what the hell are you saying?**'

'Sirius, _for God's sake _– after everything she has been through…_after what we've all been through_ – we all have to stick together! If we don't then Voldemort wins! Is that what you really want?'

'I don't have time for this!' Black snapped. 'Look – you and Lily are my concern here!'

'I know you don't like me, Black. That's your prerogative. But you did whatever it took to be the Secret-Keeper for the Order – at the expense of people far better qualified. All this unpleasantness goes against everything a Secret-Keeper is supposed to stand for! It's an honour – not a right!' Rowan said firmly. 'One minute you want to be bothered with me and then you don't! You can't pick and choose as much as you think you have the right to!'

'You tart! I have had it with you; you're on your own! I have better things I can be doing for the Order than running around after the likes of you!' Black hissed before steaming from the house slamming the door behind him.

Remus had been right – Rowan didn't have all the facts about her situation and thus didn't see Black's exit for what it was. He had just set into motion a most unfortunate chain of events.

'Great – just great…' she sighed frustratedly. 'I don't need this right now, I really don't!'

'Sirius always could be an arse when he wanted to…' said James resentfully. 'Give him time to blow off steam – he'll come around.'

'I will take you home,' said Remus. 'I told the Headmaster I was more than capable of looking after all of you…but he believes my affliction will incapacitate me when I am most needed… Nothing I say or do makes any difference.'

James and Lily looked at each other surreptitiously. Lily had thought they should give Remus a chance but James had overruled her and sided with the Headmaster. The Headmaster had hoped that somehow such an important responsibility would tame Sirius. Now James was feeling a right prat for listening to Sirius and backing him even though he'd suspected at the time that Sirius would soon get bored. He realised that a man like Sirius Black could never be disciplined. It just wasn't in his nature. James, of all people, should have seen this coming. Being a Secret-Keeper held no thrills or excitement. Sirius always had to be in the thick of things; now was no different to when they were at school.

'I think you are better suited to the responsibility than Black, Remus. Look at what he's done… abandoning me…He can't be my Secret Keeper anymore; he just can't!' Rowan said fretfully.

'Dumbledore won't change his mind,' Lily said quietly. 'I tried and he wouldn't hear of re-evaluating the arrangements…he'll just have another one of his talks with Sirius. He's convinced he can be responsible when he sets his mind to it.'

James frowned.

'This is all my fault. I should have had more faith in you Moony. I backed Sirius with Dumbledore when I should have insisted that he give you a chance. You are the Defense Against the Dark Arts expert, after all. That's worth more than all the gold in Gringotts. I'm sorry – I am so, so sorry! I just thought that since he will be the baby's Godfather that he should take an active part in protecting us!'

Lupin sighed.

'Sirius has a lot of growing up to do. And well – he is who he is. He's still lost in the antics and reputation of the Marauders and that is not likely to ever change. None of us are the same as we were at school – no one except him. One of these days it's going to cost us…and him…because he can't reign in his impulses. He just can't see it.'

'Sirius always was the Action Man,' said Lily thoughtfully. 'And doing things by halves just isn't his style… He's suffered too – but this really isn't the best task for him to take on with the Order…he's bored. And with Sirius that can only lead to trouble.'

Everyone went quiet. There was no denying the unease about the situation confronting them all.

'Come on, Remus. Let's get me home, yeah?' Rowan said gently as she took his arm.

James and Lily escorted their friends to their kitchen door.

Lupin tapped Rowan's head and she felt as if she had been encased in ice. She was now cloaked under a powerful Disillusionment Charm.

'This won't hurt the baby will it?' Rowan whispered hesitantly.

'No – not at all. That's why I chose this variation of cloaking…'

He picked her up and moved sideways through the door and then out the Potter's back gate at the bottom of their garden.

Lily and James watched from the darkness of their kitchen as he set off.

'Things could have been so different for them,' she murmured.

'Remus never thought he had anything to offer besides being poor and dangerous…' James said bitterly. 'I tried to tell him that I thought Ro had already figured it out and didn't care about any of that – but he wouldn't have it!'

'He's too damn proud sometimes for his own good.'

James snorted.

'I wonder though...'

'What?'

'Who is the father of Rowan's baby and why isn't he standing by her at a time like this?'

Lily remained silent.

'I see,' James said quietly.

'It's up to Rowan who she tells. I made a promise – as good as an Unbreakable Vow in many respects. The only thing I will say is that she is loved, cared for and like the rest of us circumstances aren't what they should be, but there's hope. He's out there – on the front line. He'd do anything for her just like you do for me.'

James looked tenderly at his wife in the faint moonlight streaming through the kitchen window.

'You are something else, Mrs. Potter.'

Lily put her arms around her husband.

'I don't regret being with you James; and Rowan doesn't regret loving the man she's given her heart to. Time will only tell what's really meant for her…and Remus.'

…**xXxXxXx…**

It was a 15-minute walk through the back lanes of the sleepy village. All of the houses were dark save a bit of candlelight here and there through cracks in curtains where people were huddled together in one room. Fear was rife these days. Everyone was poised for something momentous. What it was, no one could be sure. There was just this uneasy feeling of anticipation. Prayers were said and families hoped none of their own would be caught up in whatever it was. It was felt that there was safety in numbers; a false sense of security but one that people clung to in the absence of anything else.

'OK, we're almost there,' Rowan whispered as she spotted her cottage in the far distance.

It was as if they were the only living things in a ghost town and she didn't like it.

'You shouldn't be left alone,' Lupin whispered as Rowan drew her arms tighter around his neck and buried her face in his chest.

He could feel how afraid she was – and he was afraid for her.

'I don't like being left alone; but it can't be helped,' Rowan murmured.

Lupin didn't answer.

Once inside her home, Lupin tapped Rowan's head and she felt a warm spread downwards to the tips of her toes. He checked that everything was safe while she lit a single seven-day candle in the sitting room after drawing the curtains shut.

'I see the Headmaster is as skilled as he ever was, Fidelus or not,' Lupin said quietly once he was satisfied the rest of the house was secure.

'It's keeping me alive,' Rowan said with a slight nervous laugh.

'_If you only knew…' _she thought to herself.

'I can appreciate that…honestly I can,' Lupin said gently.

Now that they were alone the palpable something between them was even stronger.

'Will you come see me, Remus?'

'Would you like me to?' he asked gently pulling the woman he still loved into his arms.

'Mmm hmm,' came the reply as Rowan gave him a hug.

Lupin impusively rubbed her bump and felt a kick against his hand. The look on his face was pure joy.

'He likes you,' Rowan said with a smile.

'He...?'

'Mmm hmm.'

'A boy,' Lupin said wistfully.

'_Another man's son,' _he thought to himself.

The young werewolf removed his hand and cleared his throat a bit.

'I better be on my way,' he said reluctantly. 'If you need me, or just want to talk or anything – just use this.'

He handed Rowan a package.

'What is it?'

'You'll see.'

'Take care, Remus; look after yourself,_'_ said Rowan as they stood by her kitchen door.

Lupin gave her a slight smile.

_'I never wanted to leave you; I thought I had to,' _Lupin whispered hoarsely before kissing her on a cheek and then leaving.

Only when he was some distance away did he turn around and look at the little cottage.

'_What I wouldn't give,'_ he thought fleetingly.

But as quickly as the thought formulated he pushed it from his mind. He couldn't deny what he was, no matter how much he loved her still. And there was the not-so-small fact that she was with someone else. He could have no hope of a reconciliation.

He could be a good friend to her.

That was the best that the situation would allow and he would just have to be grateful he at least had that.

…**xXxXxXx…**

_Rowan lay on her side and yawned. She felt a hand on her belly, which was now small and rounded, and smiled. She spooned into the warmth that was someone's body against her back. She couldn't make out their surroundings – not that it mattered. _

_'Mmmm,' a familiar voice murmured as he began nuzzle her neck. He began to explore her from behind and then slowly entered her._

_'We have to be careful…I'm not on anything…' Rowan sighed._

_'You say that every time…' _

_The young woman he loved smiled serenely._

_'Don't I just…even though you're supposed to be the one who knows much better than me about these things…'_

_He began moving inside her and both reached out and held onto the headboard of the bed with one hand. She hooked a leg over his and moved against him – wanting him with a passion that was almost frightening in its intensity._

_'Don't stop,' she begged in a throaty whisper as he held her close to him and thrust deep inside her._

_The man groaned. He withdrew long enough to turn her on her back before entering her once more. There was a momentary flash of moonlight behind heavy cloud cover – but there still wasn't enough to take in any significant detail of her surroundings. _

_There was a flash of pale white against dark honey-coloured skin. Shoulder-length, jet black hair. _

_Severus? _

_Though it was dim, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror across from the bed as they made love. It was confirmed; honey-coloured skin, long reddish-brown hair with a fringe and large chestnut brown eyes. She didn't look a day over 16._

_Why did she look so different in her dream?_

_'Audrey – I'm sorry!' He hissed after 20 minutes as a tell-tale warmth flooded inside her._

_That voice – it was indeed Severus._

_She moved against him in shock until she felt his spasms stop._

_**Audrey.**_

_He had just called her 'Audrey'… And it felt…right._

_Snape collapsed against her in a sweaty heap._

_'Oh Merlin!' he whispered hoarsely as he rolled onto his back._

_They cuddled and caressed each other for a while – neither being too eager to get up. This felt…normal._

_'A much better way to start the day…' Rowan/Audrey said throatily as she felt a certain hardness against her hip._

_What the hell was she saying?_

_Snape moved between her legs once more._

_'We have plenty of time…' he said with a momentary flash of his black eyes in the dim light of the room as she lowered his head and hooked her long legs over his shoulders..._

…**xXxXxXx…**

Rowan work up with a slight start. For the first time in a good while she hadn't been woken by night terrors. It was a welcome relief to be dreaming about the man she adored. But what she wouldn't give to have Severus here with her.

But that dream…she was dreaming about the man who supposedly loved her and was the father of her child with another woman. Not even another woman. Whoever she was – she was still at school at the very least.

'Goddess help me please,' she whispered to herself. 'What's going on?'

Rowan looked at the sofa in the bay window across the room.

Lupin was fast asleep, but looked troubled. He'd come back and stayed with her for a few days, not wanting her to be alone. Death Eater activity was rising to a fever pitch. The Headmaster hadn't given him any new tasks for the Order – he was well aware of what his young friend was doing and for the moment had opted to not do anything against it.

But only for the moment; of that Lupin and Rowan were most certain.

'It's not right for you to be worried about me; not with everything you have to deal with,' she thought fleetingly.

'Don't worry about me; I manage just fine. Besides, it's no worry taking care of you and the baby.'

'Shyte – I didn't realise you were awake – or that I said that out loud!'

'It's ok,' Lupin said through a yawn as he padded over and sat on the edge of the bed. 'I'm happy to be useful.'

'That sofa can't be too comfortable.'

'It's better than the floor. Speaking of which, I better go back to mine tonight… I can't take the risk that I might harm you because of the baby. My werewolf senses will be on overload because he isn't mine…or at least that's the theory. I've never been in a situation where it was put to the test.'

'I'm not convinced... But you'll come back when you can though, right?'

'The Headmaster doesn't have anything for me to do at the moment, so yes. If you don't mind my company… I should be able to travel day after tomorrow.'

'Good,' Rowan murmured as she closed her eyes.

Her dream was still bothering her. She did her best to clear her mind. What she wouldn't give for a sleeping draught so that she could have a deep, dreamless sleep.

Lupin walked around the bed, doing his best to ignore the fact that she was naked beneath the covers. He began to rub her back and shoulders while humming quietly. It was an old Irish Folk song he recalled from his childhood. Rowan felt herself drifting and within minutes she was fast asleep.

The young werewolf pulled the cover sheet up over her once more and closed the curtains so that the room was almost in complete darkness despite the rising sun.

In a complete contrast to earlier, Rowan now looked troubled. No doubt she was missing her baby's father. He couldn't fault her for that. He tucked her long red hair behind her and kissed her gently on the forehead.

He would do what he could for Rowan and her child as long as she allowed it.

…**xXxXxXx…**

The Headmaster was so consumed with increasing confrontations with the Death Eaters that he took no notice of what was happening right under his nose. Most significant was that he was not aware of Sirius Black's ever-changing mood and dissatisfaction of the tasks he was assigned to carry out for the Order.

Black was indeed a man of action and sooner or later something was going to have to give as far as he was concerned.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'**Rowan Morgause is alive – and is expecting a child?**' roared Lord Voldemort several days later._** 'WHO? HOW?'**_

'Y..yes, your Excellency. She is due at the end of this month – same as the Potters and Longbottoms in fact… There is no indication of who the father is or what her situation has been. It...it must surely be whomever it is that has been hiding her from you…'

'They…are _all_ expecting,' Lord Voldemort said slowly as a realisation began to dawn on him. His mind was racing several dozen miles per minute.

'Y..yes…'

_'At the end of this month…the end of July…' _

'Correct, your Excellency…'

'Have you anything else to report, Pettigrew?' asked Malfoy idly, completely oblivious as to what was running through his Master's mind. For him the end of July only meant one thing: the eclipse.

As far as he was concerned, it was best to get off the touchy subject of the eclipse before the Dark Lord fell into one of his legendary dark moods. No one would be safe – not even the most loyal of his servants.

'I have the location of the Longbottoms: 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Godalming, Surrey.'

Voldemort stroked his slit of a mouth with his wand and his red eyes flashed.

'Quite fortuitous indeed,' he hissed. 'You have surpassed even the most minimal of expectations I had for you…'

'You can count on me!' Wormtail said with more boldness than the situation ever warranted.

Malfoy could not believe the man's stupidity. One should never profess absolute loyalty and competence unless the conversation warranted it, or most importantly, the Dark Lord demanded affirmation directly. It wouldn't take much for one's own words to be used against one where Voldemort was concerned.

'Time will tell. Woe betides you should you fail,' said Voldemort. 'Now get out of my sight!'

'There is one more thing, my Lord,' Pettigrew said slyly through half-closed eyes.

'And that would be what, pray tell?'

**'Sirius Black is the Secret-Keeper for the Order!'**

Lucius Malfoy took a step back and looked the rat-faced young man up-and-down.

'You are full of surprises today, Pettigrew,' he said coolly. 'What else have you not put into your report for me?'

'Black is disillusioned with his role as Secret-Keeper. He fancies himself far too important to be bothered with the responsibilities that entails for Dumbledore!'

Lord Voldemort and Malfoy looked at Wormtail silently.

He could only guess what they were thinking.

'Erm – these responsibilities apparently include watching over the Potters and that Morgause woman. _It would be a great honour if __**I**__ could bring him in your Excellency!' _Pettigrew twittered nervously.

'I have a better idea,' hissed Malfoy. 'If Black is so disillusioned as you claim, then it should not take much effort for you to take his place as Secret-Keeper!'

The Dark Lord clasped his hands together and nodded his head triumphantly. His red eyes glittered malevolently. Malfoy wasn't so expendable after all.

'B…but – Dumbledore – he would never propose it and he certainly wouldn't agree if I proposed it. I'm not one of his pets like Black and the Potters!'

'Of course he won't you imbecile!' hissed Lord Voldemort. '_That is why you must become a confidant for Black! Let him pour out his tales of woe, his anguish and all of his resentment to you._ Stroke his ego – it shouldn't take that much since he is already consumed by his own self-importance! _Get him to pass on the role of Secret-Keeper to you and let him think it was his own idea!_ If he is everything I have heard him to be he will keep the matter between you. Once this is achieved – then we strike!'

'B..but…it w..will t..take time, your Lordship! Black only bothers with me because he angry at the rest of them. He doesn't like me any more than he did when we were at school!'

'Suck up to him like you have never done before Wormtail,' drawled Malfoy. 'Get down on your knees with your arse in the air if that is what it takes! Be the "comfort" he has been severely lacking in these troubled times! It's no wonder his mood swings more than a harried fish-wife!'

The Dark Lord laughed and Malfoy laughed with him as it was more than appropriate and sensible to do so.

Pettigrew licked his lips nervously. It was obvious what the Dark Lord had seen when he performed the Legilimens against him.

_And Malfoy knew. _

That bothered him more than Voldemort knowing.

'Given your assertion that I could count on you Pettigrew, I expect nothing less than success. If you are as loyal and resourceful as you would have me believe then this should be an easy task for you!' snapped Voldemort.

'Um – Y..yes your Lordship!' Wormtail squeaked.

The more the rat-faced young man quivered in his presence, the more the Dark Lord glowered.

'Well – what are you waiting for? GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!'

Pettigrew backed up so fast he almost fell over.

'One more thing,' Malfoy sang out after conferring quickly with the Dark Lord.

'Y..yes, Lucius?'

'The next time you pull a stunt like this will be your last! NOTHING IS TO BE LEFT OUT OF YOUR REPORTS DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER?'

Pettigrew broke into a cold sweat as he inched back towards the closed door.

'Yes, Sir! B..by your c..command, your Lordship!'

Once at the guarded door Pettigrew broke into a run and didn't stop until he was well clear of the old house where Voldemort had based his operations .

'Malfoy – you are to organize a detail. It is time the legendary Longbottoms were paid a visit. You know what to do. Now see to it!' the Dark Lord ordered once Pettigrew was gone. 'I want a comprehensive report when you have completed your task. Especially if anyone proves…reluctant.'

'By your command, your Lordship,' came a cool reply.

'Oh – and Malfoy?'

'My Lord?'

'I think there is no time like the present for Snape to show he is worthy of the Inner Circle.'

'Indeed, my Lord!'

Malfoy bowed and took his leave.

He thought about Snape and licked his lips as he headed towards his usual Disapparation point. It had been a long time since he'd seen any _real _action. He was almost salivating in anticipation of what was to come.

_'Let's see if you will live up to your fearsome reputation, Severus old chap…'_

…**xXxXxXx…**

_'CRUCIO!' _Malfoy bellowed behind his Death Eater's mask.

Alice Longbottom twitched and shook as she screamed her house down yet again.

**'No! Please! Not my wife – not our child! Take me – just leave them be!'** Frank Longbottom bellowed.

'I see you are not good at following directives Longbottom!' Malfoy hissed as he kicked him in the stomach with his steel-toed boots. 'I said…BE QUIET!'

_'CRUCIO!' _roared Anton Rosier, another Death Eater.

'Take him in the back!' Malfoy ordered. 'Do what you will… don't hesitate to kill him if he doesn't cooperate. Six – you remain with me!'

The Death Eaters never used names or even codenames to identify themselves when out on detail. Nothing was said that could possibly incriminate any of them.

'Alice!…Alice!' her husband cried as five Death Eaters took him to a back bedroom.

'Alice, sweet Alice,' Malfoy purred as Snape restrained her with silencing and binding charms. The aristocrat rubbed up against her until he had hardened. 'You strike me as a woman who has never truly been satisfied…not that I should care…'

Snape was nothing less than repulsed watching as Malfoy's hand snaked up her maternity dress. Though he didn't care about the Longbottoms as such, such behaviour wasn't necessary in his estimation. He especially abhorred what was being done to this woman and her unborn child.

'You will just have to do...' the petulant blonde murmured. 'Six – undress her for me!'

Snape knew he couldn't dare hesitate. He ripped her dress and her undergarments from her body with his gloved hands rather using a Disrobing Charm. He knew exactly what Malfoy liked.

Alice's mouth formed a wide 'O'.

'_No?_ Tut-tut! Dear Lady – you have no say in the matter I assure you…' Malfoy drawled lazily as he drank in the sight of her. 'I do believe the pleasures of your flesh would be wasted on my colleague…'

His gloved hands massaged her heavy breasts and then snaked down over her baby bump to the most private part of her body. He took off his gloves and began to explore. As he touched her, Alice wet herself involuntarily.

Perhaps it was just his imagination that was she able to, Alice Longbottom would be laughing at him. His eyes moved upwards once more.

She _was_ laughing at him.

Silent though she was, Alice Longbottom was laughing her arse off at him.

So was Snape deep inside.

'_Good on you Alice – even though he will do everything he can to make you sorry you were ever born…'_ he thought fleetingly to himself.

'YOU MISERABLE COW! YOU WILL PAY…' Malfoy screamed shrilly.

…**xXxXxXx…**

_'The Longbottoms?'_ Peter Pettigrew said hoarsely as if in great shock. 'How can that be? What happened?'

'They were tortured in every way imaginable until they lost their minds. The crimes committed against them…one does not speak of such horrors in polite conversation, if ever…' Professor Dumbledore said dejectedly.

'There is a scorpion in our midst, Headmaster…'

Dumbledore looked his former student with a look the rat-faced young man could not place.

_'Apparently so…'_

'Any idea who?' asked Alastor Moody, one the fiercest Aurors the Ministry of Magic had hunting for Voldemort and his merry band of Dark Wizards.

The Headmaster did not answer.

To Pettigrew this could only mean one thing: he really had no idea what was going on within his ranks. He was no closer to discovering who had turned than he was six months ago when it became obvious that sabotage was being instigated from inside the Order.

'There aren't many of us left – for God's sake Headmaster, we have to do something! All this faffing around isn't getting us anywhere!' roared Black.

'We must be calm – any appearance to the contrary and we might as well surrender,' sniffed Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress at Hogwarts and Head of Gryffindor House. 'They are alive – at least we can be thankful for that.'

'Some life – doomed to spend the rest of their days in the Pysch Wards at St. Mungo's,' said Moody with a doleful shake of his head. 'And their baby – god knows how all that affected the child. I guess all we can do is see what happens when Alice gives birth…'

'At least the child still lives,' Professor McGonagall sniffed. 'We will just have to cross that bridge when we get to it…to do anything else would just compound our problems…'

'If something doesn't give soon!' hissed Black. 'We can't pussyfoot around this. It's like saying its Open Season on the Order!'

'Minerva is right – panicking is exactly what the other side wants. People get careless and make unnecessary mistakes giving them even more of an advantage,' said Lupin evenly. 'What has happened is horrid – but this is no time for irrational acts driven by a need for revenge.'

'Is that right, Lupin? And just how would you know what the other side wants?' sniffed Black.

'Enough, Sirius, enough. It's common sense. We have to sit tight and keep a cool head. An opportunity will come for us to exploit Tom's weaknesses,' Dumbledore said cryptically.

'Tom? TOM? Headmaster you speak about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as if he were human!'

'Beneath the shell of whatever it is that he has transformed himself into there beats the heart of a man…'

'You-Know-Who doesn't have a heart…no one who does what he does can have a heart!'

_'Sirius is right,' _Pettigrew said boldly. 'The losses on our side will only increase the longer we wait to strike! You-Know-Who will surely take our failure to act as weakness.'

'He is only the monster he would have you believe him to be,' Dumbledore said firmly.

'Easy for you to say, Headmaster. You are the only one he has ever feared!' Pettigrew sniffed.

'True – but that is _precisely_ because I acknowledge his humanity. At his core – Lord Voldemort is Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle is a man and as such is as mortal as the rest of us. Thinking outside the box is in order here.'

Black slumped in his chair and went silent. It was like talking to a brick wall to get the Headmaster to see his point. There was no point in saying anything further. Pettigrew looked across the table and gave his old Marauder mate a sympathetic look which Black caught. He gave his fellow Marauder a quick look that Pettigrew knew meant that they would talk later.

Now that Black had distanced himself from everyone else, including Lupin, the traitor was perfectly poised to ingratiate himself and put the Dark Lord's plans into action.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Thanks for supporting me with Dumbledore and the others the other night mate,' Black said as he poured two more shots of Firewhiskey in a private room at the Leaky Cauldron in London. The Leaky Cauldron was the pub and inn that served as the gateway to the commercial hub of the wizarding world in the British Isles, Diagon Alley.

'I know I am probably hanging myself here, but Dumbledore is a fool if he just sits quiet. You can bet You-Know-Who isn't going to slack off.'

'Right you are mate! He's seriously pissing up the flagpole with this one. It's like he's waiting for something…'

'_Or someone maybe,' _Black thought to himself.

'God only knows what. The more he waits the more the Death Eaters will keep picking us off!'

'Can you believe it? Dumbledore is the Greatest Wizard of the Age and yet he just doesn't have a clue about what's going on in his own backyard!'

'Well…now that he has decided that we will not all be meeting together anymore…I guess that says it all doesn't it…pathetic. It's the best he can do.'

'Too bloody right…even though the answer is right in front of his nose!'

'You really reckon Lupin has really turned?'

'Have you ever heard of a Dark Creature that you could really trust? After all – his kind have a lot to gain by siding with You-Know-Who!'

'Yeah – I see your point. I don't see what fighting for the Ministry will get them to be honest.'

''Zactly,' Black said with a sigh.

He looked at his Marauder mate through bloodshot eyes. He'd already downed half a bottle of Firewhiskey while Pettigrew hadn't even fully finished his first shot in spite of the refill.

'So, Wormtail old man – how's it hanging eh?'

Inwardly Pettigrew smiled. Some things never changed, like Black's libido especially after he'd had a few.

'I do alright, if you know what I mean.'

Black laughed.

'Like you're really getting laid!'

'I can say the same about you, Sirius. For an Action Man you don't seem to be managing to get any as of late,' he said as he sat on the sofa next to the man he loathed just as much as James Potter. It would be his greatest pleasure to get his revenge on the Gruesome Twosome. The Marauders had always been about Potter and Black. There was no remorse in what he knew would come.

'Oh – is that so?' Black sniffed. 'You think so old man?'

'I know so.'

'Oh? What do you know then – smart-arse!'

'I know that you have never been entirely satisfied by any girl you ever had.'

Pettigrew reached over and rubbed between Black's legs. Black began to moan amidst shallow breaths as he opened his legs wider.

'Just say the word and I'm out of here. You can chase whatever skirt you think tickles your fancy.'

Black stayed silent. He was not one to turn down an opportunity when it was handed to him on a platter. Even if the opportunity was with someone he didn't particularly like so much.

'You have had women most men would kill for, Sirius,' Pettigrew sighed as he withdrew his hand. 'And you you're never happy with any of them. There are any number of women downstairs that would gladly shag you and wouldn't have to think twice about it. But let's be honest; none of them can do it for you like this…this is what you really want, isn't it.'

Black blinked as he looked down. He was straining against his pants. He could care less about the women downstairs, for the moment. It was just the sex he wanted. He certainly had no romantic interest in Pettigrew. He never had and he never would. At the moment Pettigrew was a cheap substitute for the one Black really wanted. Or used to want. He turned his mind from the werewolf and faced the rat-faced young man seated next to him with a look of mild indifference.

Pettigrew held back from grinning madly. He'd known exactly what it would take to get Black in his corner. Play rough and hard – exactly the way Black had done with him every single time.

'So, what's it to be,' he said as he reached into Black's pants and encircled him. It didn't take much effort to get a reaction. It never had done.

'You…_fuck!_'

'That's what you want – isn't it, Sirius.'

Pettigrew was smirking now. He began to pump hard and then stopped.

Black moaned.

_'Go on Sirius – tell me what you want…' _

Black mumbled and struggled not to lose control too soon.

'What? I don't think I heard that…'

_'I want you, Peter. I want you so bad…'_ Black whispered hoarsely.

It was an exaggeration of course. He just wanted the pleasure he knew he could get. Whatever needed to be said he was happy to say it. Peter never it took well if he even so much as hinted that he didn't quite fancy him. But it was Black's way of rationalising his most peculiar situation with his least favourite of his Marauder mates. He didn't want to have to think about it any more now than he had when they were at school having the odd fumble and then shag at the top of Gryffindor Tower.

Pettigrew smiled.

'Very good. So we understand each other…'

'You have been the only one who was ever really faithful to me out of all of them you know that?' Black admitted foolishly.

It was true, after all.

Pettigrew began to stroke once more and Black responded. A wave of his wand and both were naked.

'Be good to me and I will be good to you, Sirius. Watch my back and I will watch yours – I always have you know. Show me some loyalty and trust and you will get it back in spades!'

'Yeah – you always were true blue – still are, though God knows why…I treat you like crap!' Black laughed.

'I have proven myself to you over and over again, haven't I Sirius?'

'Yeah – Oh yeah…' Black murmured.

'Time for a change – Padfoot old friend.'

'Yeah…'

Black had barely gotten himself comfortable when Pettigrew moved down between his legs.

The traitor smiled.

'See? I'm always here for you, Sirius,' he whispered silkily before savouring the feel and taste of Sirius Black in his mouth.

_'Mmm…' _Sirius sighed.

'There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know. You've always known that haven't you?'

Pettigrew looked up at the dashing young man as he continued his ministrations.

_'Mmm hmm…'_

'Just say the word, Padfoot mate…whatever you need, I'm here for you. As long we understand each other…be good to me and I will be good to you…' Pettigrew whispered as he allowed his least favourite Marauder to enter him roughly.

'You know; the Headmaster was wrong about you, Peter…and so was I…' Black moaned.

_'Of course you were…'_

…**xXxXxXx…**

Black staggered from the pub just before sunrise, heading for his flat in West London. His whole body ached to his bones. He'd never had sex like that before, not even with rat-boy. Despite that, he wasn't about to get into anything serious – not with Wormtail for God's sake.

'But Wormtail,' he laughed wickedly. 'Who would've thought you had it in you old son!'

He'd wasted so much time wanting Lupin. Lupin – boring, super-straight Lupin who only ever wanted girls…and only one girl at that.

'Fucking Morgause,' he grumbled under his breath as he buttoned up his jacket against the early morning chill. 'Lupin did always think with his dick when it came to you!'

He tried not to think about them as he made his way home on the Tube. He walked from the station through Holland Park, turning it over and over in his head. He was sick of all this – things were moving too slow.

Once inside he had a sobering cool shower. As he settled down in his own bed he had a revelation of sorts.

'No time like the present to show some initiative,' he said aloud with a grin.

He knew exactly what he could do. It was the easiest solution to all his problems.

He could appoint Pettigrew the Secret-Keeper. It was such a simple thing – even rat-boy couldn't screw it up. Then Dumbledore couldn't use him for some of the more mundane tasks, which truth be told, really were boring beyond belief. But for someone like Pettigrew – it was a chance to think he was doing something important and would put him solidly in the Headmaster's good graces. Peter didn't like risking his neck for anyone. God only knew why Dumbledore still had him around anyway. It probably had more to do with James than anything else.

It was his right to have a Deputy, something Dumbledore hadn't felt was necessary, but which he did have the right to do. Even though he and James were tight – like brothers – this Secret Keeper business wasn't really his thing. James wouldn't understand changing to Peter even though he was part of their group – Black was going to be Godfather to his child and James felt it was important that he be an integral part protecting his son's life.

He'd definitely have to keep this one under his hat if he went through with it.

Peter could faff around with Morgause and look after James and Lily when he was tied up with things far more important and valuable for the Order like gather intelligence and smoke out whoever it was that was the traitor. Easier said than done, but he felt more than up to the challenge. After all, he was already their friend so all he had to do was pay them a visit now and again and give his excuses.

It wasn't even required that the Secret-Keeper actually see anyone, so he didn't have to see James and Lily if he didn't want. All it involved was the concealment of the secrets of the Order of the Phoenix inside ones self. Such a simple thing really.

The more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him.

He would wait a while before putting it out there to Wormtail.

Black fell asleep – content and convinced that at last, there was a solution to this most vexing of problems.


	4. Total Eclipse

**Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.**

**Summary: It is the height of**** the 1****st**** War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. **_**Alternate Universe.**_

**Supernatural/Drama/Angst/Spiritual/Romance/Horror**

**This story is rated R/M. It is very intense and for mature readers only.**

**A Love Before Time (REPOST)**

**Chapter 004: Total Eclipse**

_'Please….' _Rowan moaned deliriously. _'Oh God, please…'_

She had been in labour for just over 24 hours. The contractions had started around when she empathically felt the Cruciatus Curse that was no doubt being meted out to Severus. At the time she could only wonder what he'd done such that he was so close to death. All thoughts of that were lost to her now as she fought to live.

'It will be alright,' Lupin whispered as he bathed her forehead with a cool face cloth and then wiped her nose with a tissue. 'Come on – just a few more pushes…'

'I can't …' Rowan cried. 'I'm so tired…It hurts so much… I can't…noooooo….'

Her labour had been fraught with difficulty.

Madame Pomfrey had her hands full with the Potters in the Hollow and then she was back at Hogwarts tending to injured students and staff. Even the school with its formidable defense systems was not immune to Death Eater activity.

So Rowan was on her own. It seemed that as though the father of her child had abandoned her. Without understanding how, Lupin realised Rowan was in trouble and needed help.

Death Eater activity was at an all time frenzied pitch. The Headmaster had been right to assume that the day of the eclipse would be the most challenging to date for the Order. They had their hands full and resources were stretched thin. There wasn't even enough time for the Headmaster to be concerned that he was here – but Lupin hadn't been given much to do that was demanding. His official duties had long been over. Even so, there was no way this day would have passed without him spending whatever time he could with the woman he still loved.

_'Severus,'_ Rowan moaned. _'I'm sorry – I'm sorry I wasn't good enough…'_

The tissue dropped to the floor in a gentle arc of backflips as Lupin's head slowly cocked to the side. Time seemed to slow down. The room was beginning to grow dark and cold. The eclipse was underway and would reach totality soon.

What did she just say?

_'Severus… Severus… Why don't you love me anymore?'_

Rowan was sweating profusely and her breathing was laboured.

'_Why do you love her instead of me?'_

_**Severus?**_

Lupin shook his head.

No!

Snape.

_Severus Snape._

Severus Snape was the father of Rowan's child?

_'Severus – please… please come back to me! I need you! I loved you so much!'_

Yes.

Severus Snape was the father of Rowan's child – and the man who had her heart.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Snape had been just about to take off for the outskirts of Godric's Hollow when Rosier appeared on his doorstep.

The hunchbacked young man looked around at the mountainous range that was Snowdonia National Park and then at the crumbling wreck that was assumed to be Snape's house from where he stood at the front gate.

The young Potions Master eyeballed his visitor as veins pulsed dangerously at his temples.

'I thought I told you my time is my own and to never darken my doorstep, Rosier!'

Rosier had a few habits; a few very bad habits that would land him in a shallow grave were he found out. Snape didn't want any part of his plots and schemes and made it a point to not know. If asked he wouldn't have to lie – and risk the same fate if Voldemort thought he'd been keeping secrets.

And now was definitely not the time to be side-lined by errant Death Eaters.

Rowan had to be more than ready to give birth by now – she needed him. And he needed her. He loved her and it was killing him to be apart from her especially given the day's activities.

_'I…I'm in trouble!'_ Rosier hissed.

'Then you had better sort yourself out, hadn't you? Now, if you don't mind, I have other affairs to attend to…'

That was not exactly a lie. What Snape had needed to do for the Dark Lord was already completed and would be more than satisfactory. He just hadn't reported it to Malfoy yet. No doubt Malfoy was taking advantage of the eclipse to get his rocks off with the type of woman who would do anything to curry favour with the dark side. He despised them as much as he despised any other collaborators.

'Look – it's the Dementors! I need help! Everything was sorted as I was concerned…I thought once I had everything sewn up…The Dark Lord would be on his knees with gratitude!'

Snape arched an eyebrow. Only a dunderhead of the highest calibre would take on the Dementors at their own game. "The Dark Lord _on his knees"_…the man was beyond idiotic and clearly delusional.

'Let me guess: the Dark Lord did not send you to them as his envoy and you have been found out. Hence the trouble with your double-dealing I suppose; Anyone foolish and disrespectful enough to consider his Lordship in such terms deserves whatever troubles he has coming to him…' he said trying to sound as disinterested as possible.

That particular bit of play-acting was for the benefit of covering himself when the details of this situation were found out. Snape had no doubt the Dark Lord would enforce an accounting from him. No way was he not going to relay the fact that Rosier had come to him.

But damn it – this was the last thing they needed. One of the most feared of all Dark Creatures aligned against any Death Eater could be trouble for all of them. That was trouble Voldemort was definitely not going to be relieved to know about. And it meant that of all times, Snape had no choice but to act. He couldn't just sit on the sidelines being the brains of the operation.

'I need help! They're after me…and….and…'

'…and what?'

'I sort of… I suggested….'

'You proposed that you not only weren't acting alone; but that the Dark Lord would take them to task if they did not cooperate with whatever hair-brained scheme you put to them!'

'Um – something like that…but not the Dark Lord exactly…Malfoy too…sort of…' Rosier said as he stood quivering at Snape's gate. 'Look – it's getting dark out here – can I come in? Cool my heels for a while I warm up – knowwhatImean?

'No! No you most certainly cannot,' Snape roared. 'Damn you to hell for your incompetence!'

He whispered something into the end of his wand and then tapped it against the gate.

Within a few minutes there was a POP!

Lucius Malfoy was standing in front of them doing up his flies.

'There had better be a damned good excuse, Snape!' he hissed.

Of the two men only the Greasy Git was brave enough to enact a Dark Charm against him like that – and at a most delicate time.

'Rosier has created an – _ahem_ – rather unfortunate situation Lucius.'

'And why should I care?'

'Because it would seem that he is in trouble with the Dementors. And so are you it would seem as your name was put to them by him. Guilt by association and all that rubbish…' Snape drawled smoothly. 'You are now known to the Dementors along with our colleague as a Death Eater – acting on behalf of the Dark Lord.'

'WHY YOU BUMBLING – IDIOTIC – STUPID…!' Malfoy roared as he turned five shades of red and then purple. 'AVADA….'

'There is no time for that, Lucius. We must see the Dark Lord – and quickly!' Snape hissed as he put a restraining hand on Malfoy's arm. 'I would imagine he wouldn't appreciate you snuffing one of his most valued servants without his knowledge – regardless of how justified you would be in doing so! He must be appraised of this situation, by you and Rosier. He needs all the details first-hand.'

The young aristocrat moved his head as if to get rid of a cramp in his neck.

'Excellent point, my dear boy. Rosier, consider yourself lucky that you have about another 10 minutes of life left!'

'The Dark Lord,' Rosier croaked. 'But…but…surely…'

'No 'Buts',' Malfoy said darkly. 'You made your bed and now you will lie in it. I will not see all that I have worked for fall apart because of the likes of you! This will serve as a lesson to anyone who dares think they can take liberties in the name of our Lord!'

He looked at Snape.

'He confessed everything to you – you will accompany us!'

'I expected as much, Lucius,' Snape replied coolly. 'By your command.'

'But you had something to do…something that needed my help, right?' Rosier said giving Snape a look the young Potions Master pretended to not see. 'You looked like you were going somewhere when I arrived!'

'Only to file my report with Lucius.'

'Ah – mission accomplished then?' Malfoy asked, clearly relieved.

'Indeed. The Dark Lord should be more than satisfied.'

'Well – at least there is something to offer as leverage rather than going straight in with bad news!'

Snape nodded his agreement.

But deep inside he was reeling with anger and dismay.

Once again circumstances had conspired to keep him from the woman he loved, and now more than ever when he was certain she needed him.

…**xXxXxXx…**

_'AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!'_ Rowan roared deliriously as she gave another push.

She was sweating so much that her nightgown and the bed clothes were soaked through.

'Make it stop…please make it stop…' she whimpered.

_'Goddess help us please…I don't know what else to do!' _Lupin rasped as he tried to get her to not pass out.

The woman he loved was in distress. It looked like she and her baby were dying. There was so much blood – he'd never seen anything like it before and it made his stomach churn. Rowan was hanging on by the thinnest of threads. He couldn't think about the blood – only about doing what he could to save her and her baby.

'I can see his head, Rowan; we're almost home…just one more push…'

_'Remus?'_

'Yes…It's Remus. I'm here… do it for me, Rowan. One more push for me…'

'For you?' she croaked faintly.

'Yes, for me. One more push and I promise you – everything will be alright.'

The young werewolf held a glass of water to her lips.

After taking two small sips Rowan steeled herself for what she knew would be her last try.

_'AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!'_

Lupin reached inside and gently helped her son be born into the chaos of the wizarding world. The baby was bluish. There was an obstruction in his mouth and he cleared it with his fingers. A gentle tap on his rear and the small baby boy began to cry. He lost the blue hue from not having enough oxygen and Lupin placed him on his mother's chest for a few moments.

'Welcome to our world, John,' Rowan whispered quietly as she stroked his black hair and then a dainty cheek.

She looked at his little hands, fingers, feet and toes in wonderment, the only moment of lucidness she'd had in the last 17 hours.

'John?' Lupin whispered.

Rowan smiled faintly.

'John Lucas Morgause,' she said faintly before passing out cold.

Remus John Lupin cleaned up his namesake and placed him in the bassinet across from the bed. Once he was certain little John was resting peacefully he turned his attention to the baby's mother.

He sent the Order of the Phoenix equivalent of an SOS into the dark sky for Madam Pomfrey.

After an agonising 20 minutes the Mediwitch appeared along with Professor Dumbledore.

'Remus? What's wrong?' she asked.

'Remus – what are you doing here?' asked the Headmaster even though he already knew the answer to his question.

'It's Rowan,' he said heatedly as he gestured to the wan figure in the now clean bed. 'The birth – it was so difficult Poppy…there was so much blood… You had your hands full I know – but Rowan needed me… I don't know how I knew it, but she needed me!'

'The afterbirth?'

'Over there – the blue container.'

Madam Pomfrey examined Rowan and then looked at the afterbirth.

'Good Heavens! It's a wonder she even managed to carry to term let alone survive the birth… You did a good job. They'd both be dead if it wasn't for you… It's never easy for an Empath to carry to term. This is fate, this is.'

The Mediwitch set to work administering an intricate series of potions and medicharms. After a half hour colour returned to Rowan's cheeks and her breathing was steady.

'Will she be alright?'

'Right as rain – just give her these every 3 hours for the next couple of days...'

Lupin nodded as he took the medicines and placed them on the bedside table.

Just then there was a small mewing sound. Little John was awake. Before Professor Dumbledore could say a thing the young werewolf had picked him up and sat in the rocking chair next to the bassinette. The Mediwitch conjured a bottle of warm milk and handed it over silently. She watched silently as Lupin fed and then burped the baby while singing to him.

'You've certainly got the right touch,' she said gently as she tucked the blanket back to get a closer look. 'Look at that hair – what a head of hair that boy has. Just like Harry …Neville is as bald as a Quaffle!'

_'Harry and Neville?'_

'Dearie me – where is my mind… Lily gave birth this morning… _Harold James Potter_. They're calling him Harry for short. Alice…well… she managed to deliver. The grandmother has named him Neville…she'll be taking him home tomorrow…'

Lupin started rocking as he sang to John. He looked at him so tenderly and with a father's longing that it broke Madam Pomfrey's heart to watch them together. The baby slowly opened his eyes and yawned.

'The wee tyke has his mother's eyes – but the look of him…seems more than a bit familiar…' the Mediwitch said in amazement. 'I just can't put my finger on it.'

_'Severus Snape…' _he murmured. _'Severus Snape is his father.'_

Professor Dumbledore peered at him over his half-moon spectacles.

'And what makes you think that, Remus?'

'Because Rowan called out for him when she was delirious from fever and pain. All she wants is to know why he doesn't love her anymore; why he loves someone else. She's sorry she wasn't good enough!'

The old wizard looked at the crestfallen werewolf and sat on the sofa next to Madam Pomfrey watching him care for his enemy's son. For one of the few times in his life the Headmaster was at a loss for words. Nothing he could say would make any bit of difference.

'What's the baby's name,' asked Madam Pomfrey.

'John – John Lucas Morgause…'

'John; and Lucas?'

'Lucas was her twin brother – he was delivered stillborn… John is my middle name…she named him after me…'

The Headmaster and the Mediwitch sat in silence. Neither had known about the deceased twin. And naming him John after one of Snape's sworn enemies – well that was a rather interesting turn of events.

The Headmaster was keen to question his former student about what Rowan had said about Snape – but that would tip his hand considerably. He couldn't do it. Too much was at risk.

'She did have rather a huge crush on Severus Snape at school; after you broke up,' said Madam Pomfrey coming to the rescue though she did not know it. 'But I seriously doubt that he is the father. After all – he did not tolerate Muggles or Muggle-borns. He most certainly would not sire a child with one!'

Lupin looked up from the sleeping baby in his arms.

'You think so?'

'I know so…'

Lupin wasn't convinced.

'Let it lie, Remus. Suffice it to say the baby's father is not Severus Snape and is otherwise occupied,' Professor Dumbledore said as he peered over his glasses. 'Such speculation is dangerous in these times. I trust you will not speak of this ever again.'

The young werewolf sniffed. Once again he was not being told the truth. Even after all this – he still was not trusted.

'It is best for all concerned that the identity of the child's father not be known,' the Headmaster said gently. 'The lives of Rowan, the child and especially the child's father depend upon it.'

'Fine,' Lupin said tersely.

But no matter what the Headmaster said, he was firmly convinced the baby in his arms was Severus Snape's.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Voldemort had pressed him into service immediately upon his return with Malfoy and Rosier after almost killing him once again. He was making a potion – one that he knew had to be a killing potion. But this one – this was for some special purpose that he was not privy to – not just yet.

Just when it seemed Snape would be given a reprieve and could finally go back to Godric's Hollow, the Dark Lord informed him otherwise a few weeks later near the end of August.

'I have a little job for you, Snape, since you cling so tenaciously and stubbornly to life,' Voldemort hissed. 'Something for which you alone are uniquely qualified.'

'By your command, you Lordship,' came an even reply as Snape struggled to remain standing. He still hadn't fully recovered from the torture curses that had been applied to him.

'You are to go to the Monastery of Tsongkapa. They have a botanical which would be most useful. You will recognise it by its royal blue colouring. You are to secure a few flasks and bring them directly to me. Do not return without them.'

'Tsongkapa…that is in…Tibet – is it not? It is thought to be a magical peak parallel to Everest…not even the Muggle Dalai Lama himself has ever managed to locate let alone access it.'

The Dark Lord laughed and it was everything that Snape could do to keep his legendary cool.

'I knew of any here, you would be the right man for the job.'

Snape nodded almost imperceptibly. He was given an order and had no choice but to carry it out. Whether or not he was the only won to have taken it on was another story – but not something he would dare question.

'You are to leave at once,' said Voldemort.

'Of course, your Excellency.'

'Oh, there is just one more thing,' the Dark Lord said idly.

'Yes my Lord?'

'You will travel to and scale to the peak without the aid of your wand.'

Snape was a master at hiding his incredulity as he watched Malfoy flick his Ebony and Ivory wand through his fingertips.

'I must carry out this task without my wand Sir,' he said tersely.

Voldemort glowered slightly.

'You have one year, no more. You must return to me within the hour no later than 12 months from now. And woe betides you should you fail!'

'Of course, your Excellency. By your command.'

'You may go!'

Snape turned coolly on his heels after bowing slightly and departed as quickly as he dared after collecting the few belongings he had from the Potions Lab.

But to send him out like a common Muggle with no magic to aid him; he was being tested and punished all at the same time. And he knew why.

It was because Rowan still lived and she was bringing a new life into their world.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Is he alright?' asked Rowan quietly after they had cleared away the dishes from their Christmas dinner.

'A real trooper; just like his mum.'

Rowan smiled as she watched her ex-boyfriend change her son's diaper in the moonlight of the baby's room.

'You'll be a great father one day.'

Her voice trailed off. It was pointless to say such a thing knowing that it was highly unlikely that any woman would take a romantic interest in a werewolf. Lupin couldn't even get a job thanks to the decrees against his kind in place by the Ministry of Magic. He was dependent on yields from the farm on which he'd grown up and any odd jobs he could get here and there. But the long and short of it was that he was always rejected first and foremost because of what he was.

Lupin didn't look at her as he put a sleeping costume on the baby.

'Remus – I'm sorry – I didn't – I wasn't thinking.'

'It's alright,' he said quietly. 'I'd love to be a father…looking after you and John…it's been great.'

Rowan stood and walked over to the young werewolf as he put the baby down to sleep.

'_He looks so much like Severus; just like I knew he would,' _she thought to herself fleetingly as she touched his black hair and not-so-delicate nose.

It had been seven months since she had last seen the father of her child. She had only seen the Headmaster once since the baby was born. There were worrying reports about several showdowns between the Death Eaters and various Dark Creatures; but there was no way to find out for certain what had happened to Severus. The homestead in Wales had been dark and empty since at least since the day of the eclipse. Professor Dumbledore had told her to get on as best she could without expectation. He hadn't heard from Severus either.

'You're the only father he knows,' Rowan said softly as she watched Lupin adjusting the blankets and making sure everything was just right.

The young werewolf turned to her in the glow of moonshine streaming through the windows in the room. For one brief moment he was so tempted to take her in his arms.

'His father will be back soon enough. You'll see.'

'No – he's gone. I won't ever see him again. He belongs to someone else now.'

'Rowan...'

'Don't Remus. I know there is someone else. Whoever she is – she is welcome to him… I was wrong – about a lot of things I guess.'

But even though Rowan was trying to convince herself of that, the only man who would ever really have her heart was Severus Snape.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Snape frowned as he made his way up the icy peaks of a vast mountain range in Tibet on Valentine's Day. The young Potions Master had to make his way around the world and back without the benefit of magic or very much money. It had taken all of his Slytherin cunning and a heavy dose of good luck to get him this far.

Tsongkapa was indeed magically concealed and it was even higher than Everest. It was most fortunate indeed that he was a Potions Master – he was able to prepare a potion with supplies taken from the lab and various ingredients acquired during his journey that allowed him to make it to this sacred place. Snape had always had a keen interest in Shamanism, a Muggle spiritual practice frowned upon in the Wizarding world. He now understood why – Such abilities rivalled those of the Wizarding world.

From what he had managed to find out so far the blue flower to be found here might be useful to the Dark Lord in his latest series of transformations in his bid for immortality. It seemed that no form of horrible was horrible enough.

But Snape also suspected there were other uses for this plant. He was keen learn what he could without compromising himself. He had a strong hunch that it was the key ingredient for this latest Killing Potion that the Dark Lord wanted very badly.

It had taken just over a month, but finally he reached the summit where the monastery was located just as the sun was beginning to set one day in mid-March.

The monks refused to give him what he had travelled so far for in the beginning.

_'I will give you something far more valuable: a warning for the one who sent you,' _said the interpreter for the Monastery.

'And that is?'

'This quest he would do well to abandon; it will be his downfall.'

'I value my life far too much to impart such a thing…'

'So be it.'

'Professor Snape,' came a strange, almost ethereal voice.

Who its owner was he could not say; the only light in the room was trained on the interpreter.

'I am no such thing.'

A figure stepped into the light and smiled enigmatically. His eyes were milky white. A site which, truth be told, was quite unnerving.

The old man surveyed the young Potions Master carefully.

_'The ways of your kind will not help you in a battle between your Angel and the Ghost…_'

Snape's legendary composure did not betray him even in this moment.

'Who are you and what do you mean by that?'

_'All in time, Professor.'_

…**xXxXxXx…**

The monks let Snape bed down for the night. He listened to the hushed murmurs of their voices throughout the night as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He would not allow himself a comfortable slumber in strange surroundings and especially when he was on a mission for Lord Voldemort.

For the monks to be debating through the night his presence was most definitely significant. Theirs was a Silent Order. All had taken vows to not speak unless it was absolutely and critically necessary. Silence was necessary in achieving the perfect balance of Chi energy, they thought. Snape's presence and his request in particular had upset that balance. He could only wonder how these Shaman knew of Lord Voldemort and seemed to know for what purpose he wanted the plant he'd been sent for.

The next morning just before sunrise there was a gentle knocking at his door and a lone very old monk entered, putting a thin finger to his lips. It was the man with the milky white eyes from the evening before.

_'I do not have much time,' _he whispered in the darkness.

All around them there was an unearthly silence.

Snape did not speak and merely gestured for him to come closer.

_'I am not here for the one who sent you, Professor. I am here for you. He has already condemned himself and as such is not our concern. It is written in the Akashic records and it is so.'_

Snape quirked an eyebrow, but wisely decided to remain silent.

_'Life is a wheel and it turns eternally. Birth, Death and then rebirth. Death is not to be feared. It is but a passage to new life. Do you understand?'_

Snape frowned slightly as he gave a slight nod.

'You are speaking of reincarnation yes?'

The monk nodded in affirmation.

_'Each life has a purpose. The one who concerns you, she was not meant for you in this lifetime, and there will be great difficulty in her next life because of this.'_

'WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!' Snape hissed as he grabbed the man by the throat. 'WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS! Damn you I want some answers – NOW!'

With a slight gesture the young Potions Master was sent flying back against the wall. There was no mistaking who held the power in this situation.

_'The ways of your world will not help you here Potions Master.'_

Snape struggled to a sitting position. There was no mistaking his anger, but he knew he had no choice but to listen.

_'It is not for you to know the finer details; but there will be help available to you when the time comes. Remember your time here, Professor, and all that I have put to you.'_

'I am not a Professor; stop calling me that!'

The monk smiled enigmatically.

_'All in time, Potions Master.'_

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Listen mate,' Black said one cold evening in late March. 'I'm telling you – piece of cake this will be!'

Pettigrew narrowed his eyes. Black was certainly on the verge of handing over the Deputyship of Secret-Keeper, he was certain of it. One false move and he'd blow it. He needed to keep a cool head. The Dark Lord was growing impatient. His life depended on this.

'Dumbledore doesn't have anyone else who is up to the job, Sirius. Even he will have to face it…You'd be doing him a huge favour; he'd have no choice but to see that you are better suited for that type of mission…'

'Yeah – only one problem though: I can't do it AND be the Secret-Keeper…'

'Didn't you say that you hadn't seen Morgause in months?'

'I have better things to do than babysit!'

'You haven't even seen James and Lily as much as you used to following up your leads.'

'_The leads I have been feeding you,' _Pettigrew though fleetingly.

'Mmm hmm – that is a big problem.'

'Dumbledore won't tolerate you standing down.'

'Ahh – right you are. But if I had a Deputy…'

'But…but he's opposed to the idea! He didn't think much of it when he appointed you and you tested the water.'

'Dumbledore doesn't have to know,' Black said with a pointed look.

'Lupin would never agree too it,' Pettigrew said slyly.

'Eff Lupin – it was you I had in mind mate!'

'_Me? _Are you taking the piss?'

'Nope – never more serious in my life. Think about it – you've got the time, it's light work, no regular schedule or anything like that. The whole babysitting thing is only because James had this crazy thing about me being Harry's godfather! You don't even have to see them. It's not required. There is nothing to do – just conceal the secrets of the Order and that's it. Your life is your own; then you get the glory and the Order of Merlin when this is all over and at no risk to your own skin!'

'You really want to be gone from Harry that long? He's everything to you, I'm sure.'

'It's killing me to even be considering it…but this is ensuring his safety.'

'What about James?'

'No worries there. This is war – I can't there all the time. To be honest, I think James is surprised that I haven't bunked off before now… You know what he's like; don't sweat it mate.'

'Well – if the offer still stands… I would be honoured to be your Deputy, Sirius,' Pettigrew said with half closed eyes.

'Yeah?' Black said huskily.

He knew that look – or so he thought.

'Yeah,' Pettigrew said as he opened his robes.

The sight of him always took Black's breath away. No one would ever believe that Rat-Boy had so much going on beneath it all.

'How about a little celebration…' Wormtail whispered.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Awwww Lily, he's beautiful,' Rowan said softly as she held the baby they called Harry in her arms on July 31st, their children's first birthday. 'I always knew you'd be a great mum…'

James and Remus were in the sitting room locked in a battle of Wizard's Chess.

'Ooooo loooook,' Lily cooed as Harry reached out to John and patted him on the head. In response John giggled and poked Harry on his forehead between his eyes. Severus Snape's son then blinked and within a minute was bawling his eyes out pointing at Harry's forehead.

'Oh dear, better give him to me,' Rowan said quietly as she took her son and rocked him gently.

Her son was an Empath, of that she had no doubt. Even at his tender age that much was obvious.

'He's probably tired,' Lily said hesitantly as she watched the fretful baby cry softly.

'Yeah – he hasn't had his nap today. It's his bed time soon.'

'I'll go get Remus…'

'Let them finish their game. John will be alright.'

Lily nodded. Harry hit her playfully on the nose and she cooed at him. Her son looked at her with his bright green eyes and gave her a big smile as he began to play with her hair after banging a hand in his birthday cake.

'So Rowan – how are things with you and Remus?' his mother grinned as she took some cake out of her hair and popped it into her son's mouth.

Rowan sighed as Harry giggled.

'I… I'm so torn Lily,' she said hoarsely. 'I don't know what to do…'

'What does your heart tell you?'

'That he is good, kind – he's everything I ever wanted. But so was Severus…until…'

Lily tried to choose her words carefully.

'Well – they are only dreams Rowan. It's just because of the situation you're in; not seeing him for all these months. It's not like you didn't know what was at stake here. You don't know for sure that he's run off with some girl... That just doesn't sound like him to be honest.'

'But…' Rowan said knowingly.

'He's never been gone this long – you said it yourself. There was always the chance that he might not come back. You have to get on with your life Rowan.'

'What if he comes back Lily, eh? What if he comes back? He hasn't died – I would know if he had – I would! I know I would!'

'What if he doesn't! You want to spend your whole life waiting for something that's not going to happen? You can't know everything Rowan. Even Seers have been known to get things wrong!'

Lily shifted Harry to her other arm and let him play with her necklace. The little boy twisted around so he could see John and reached his arms out to him. His little friend was still fretful with tears streaming down his face clinging to his mother. John reached out a hand towards Harry and began to cry loudly once more.

'You still love Remus and the only thing keeping you two apart is you, Ro…'

Tears started streaming down Rowan's face and she choked back a sob.

'It hurts, Lily. It hurts so much… I wish I didn't have feelings for Remus…but I do…and it's tearing me apart… because I still want Severus – I love him so much! But…I guess…I need to move on…it's not fair to Remus to carry on like this… I'll talk to him when we get home…'

Before Lily could answer the kitchen door banged open.

'It was just dumb luck,' James sulked as he strode in with Remus right behind him.

'You wish – smooth skills old chap, smooth skills,' Lupin laughed. 'I got you fair and square!'

He stopped short at the sight of Rowan and John crying.

'Rowan – what's wrong?'

'I think its past time for our boys to be put down for the night,' James said quietly, paying heed to the look Lily gave him.

'Yeah – we don't want to be out especially when it gets dark,' Remus said quietly. He saw the looks exchanged between the Potters. No doubt Lily and Rowan had been talking about the situation between he and Rowan.

Remus collected John's things. Once he and Rowan were ready he silenced John with a sleeping charm and then Disillusioned them all.

Once again, James and Lily watched from their darkened kitchen as their gate opened and then closed though no one seemed to be there.

James sighed.

'She still holding out for…whoever?'

'I don't think she's turned that corner. It's been more than a year since she's seen him. I don't think he's run off with someone else; but I can't see that he is coming back either. She just has to get on with her life. She'd going to sort it out with Remus tonight…I guess…'

Far from looking happy James looked very uncertain.

'Honey? What's wrong? You haven't said much since they left,' Lily asked once they were in bed and Harry was put down for the night in his nursery.

'I don't know – just a feeling I have… No matter how great it would be for Remus and for Rowan too – I think the whole situation is just...'

_'Doomed…' _came a quiet answer in the darkness.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'No – stay…' Rowan said quietly. She reached out and gently touched Remus' arm as they sat together in her sitting room. 'You don't have to go.'

The young werewolf swallowed.

It was now or never.

'Rowan,' Lupin said gently. 'It's been over a year now…and we have gotten on really well, the three of us… but there is this dark cloud hanging over our heads – you aren't getting over him…and I can't go on for the rest of our lives pretending that I am happy to sit by and just be friends.'

'Love that's real never really dies Remus. That's why I still love you even after all this.'

'It's different to him though, isn't it?'

'Yes, it most definitely is, ' she answered resignedly.

Lupin turned away.

'It's not that he is better than you or you are better than him; you are both different and the relationships are different. Things are not the same as when we came back into each other's lives… I need to move on… and make the most of what little time I have left.'

'Rowan – please – let's not start that again, ok?'

'Alright; I'm sorry.'

Rowan leaned over and kissed him gently. His mouth opened slightly and she eased in her tongue engaging his in a sensuous dance that sent his heart racing.

'Rowan…'

Lupin disengaged himself and turned away once more.

_'I'm sure…' _she whispered. 'You are the only thing I am sure about right now!'

Lupin turned to her in the glow of moonshine streaming through the windows in the room.

'Do you think you could ever find it in your heart to be with me…a proper family…? I know I'm not his real father…I know a werewolf isn't exactly…'

_'Shush,'_ Rowan said softly as she placed a finger to his lips.

Lupin pulled her into his arms and kissed her with all the pent-up emotions he'd had to hold back since coming back into her life. Rowan returned his passion and savoured the warmth of his tongue against hers.

They pulled away from each other – just enough to catch their breath. Rowan took Lupin's hand and led him to her bedroom and the bed she had never shared with her baby's father.

Their hands shook so badly they could hardly take their clothes off. Conscious that she didn't have a perfect body, Rowan tried to hide herself. Lily had dropped all her baby weight and looked as together as ever, a complete contrast to her.

'Don't look at me; I'm so hideous...' she whispered, failing to hide her embarrassment.

'You aren't Rowan…I hate it when you say things like that. You are everything to me…you always were.'

Lupin gave into his long-dormant passion and moved on top of her as they lay together under the covers. Rowan trembled as he entered her and they began to make love. She and Remus were different people now – and their lovemaking was different to what she remembered.

'Gods – we should be careful…' he whispered as he pulled out reluctantly. 'We're not teenagers anymore.'

'!t's a bit late for that, don't you think,' Rowan whispered as he held her.

'We…we can't get so caught up in wanting each other such that we don't think it through properly… and look after things…and there is everything else to consider… Everything is happening so fast.'

'I have been thinking of nothing else for two months, Remus… And I thought about it a lot – even back then… I was always prepared for you… but you gave up on me.'

Lupin looked at her tenderly. He knew that Rowan most definitely wasn't bullshitting him. If ever there was someone who thought things through it was her. Sometimes she thought too much and couldn't just relax and _be_.

Rowan turned onto her back and once again he moved on top of her. Lupin stroked her hair away from her face and back off her forehead. They kissed and he gave into all the dreams that had haunted him.

'I have wanted this for so long,' he whispered as they began to make love once more.

Rowan remained silent as she pulled him deeper.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Lupin woke up to find he was alone. He quickly put on his clothes, knowing implicitly that he wouldn't be staying the rest of the night.

He went into the nursery, and sure enough Rowan was fast asleep in the rocking chair. He looked down at the sleeping form of John in the dimness of the room. There was no mistaking who his father was.

'This isn't right,' he thought to himself. 'Nothing about this is _right_. She still wants him; no matter what she feels for me – it's him she wants.'

'Rowan,' he said as he gently shook her awake. 'Rowan, you need to wake up.'

'Hmmph? Whah…Oh, Remus…I guess I fell asleep.'

'Yes, you did.'

Lupin helped her to stand up and they went into the hallway. He looked at her silently as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

'Why…are you dressed?' she asked as her eyes focused.

'I don't think there is any point to me staying; do you?' he said resignedly.

'You don't have to go, Remus.'

'Rowan – you tried. But it's not going to work between us – that much is obvious. I woke up and you were gone. And not even sleeping downstairs – you were with your son – his son.'

Rowan moved silently past him and went downstairs to the kitchen. She lit the candle holder on the table and sorted out tea for them both as Lupin took a seat.

'You still want to be with him Rowan, don't you?'

Rowan turned her cup in her hands. Tears started to fall as she nodded in agreement.

'Love that's real never really dies, Remus. You and I…we were always kindred spirits. But him – he's my soulmate; and if I don't know anything else I know that… But soulmates aren't always meant to be together.'

'It's Snape, isn't it? Severus Snape is John's father. He looks just like him. Even James can see it – though he won't come right out and say much about it.'

'Remus…I…can't!'

'It's OK, Ro. Dumbledore knows what's best. He's looking after you and I trust that he knows what he's doing,' Lupin said as he stood to leave.

'Don't leave it like this. It's the middle of the night… and it's not safe.'

'It's never a good time…things being what they are.'

'Look, you can leave in the morning if that's what you want. Just don't go like this – in the middle of the night.'

Lupin sighed.

'OK – I'll stay down here.'

Rowan summoned a blanket and pillows from the linen closet upstairs and fixed the sofa in the sitting room for him.

Once she had gone back to bed Lupin lay awake in the darkness. He turned it over and over in his head. As much as he loved Rowan, she didn't love him the same way back. There was just no getting around that. But even as he faced that undeniable truth he also realised that he didn't want to lose her. But how could they possibly go back to being friends after what had just happened between them?

…**xXxXxXx…**

The next morning Rowan was the first to rise.

She came downstairs and lay the baby in his crib in the sitting room so she could easily keep an eye on him. Suddenly she became aware that she was being watched.

'I'm sorry Remus.'

'So am I Rowan. So am I,' he said hoarsely.

John began to stir. His face crumpled up and he began to cry. He looked over at the young werewolf and reached out an arm to him.

'Here, let me,' Remus said quietly as he walked over and picked up his namesake.

The infant began to quiet down and fell asleep with his surrogate father singing softly to him.

'He looks just like him you know. God knows what he'd do if he knew about us…and that his son relates to me like I'm his father.'

Rowan said nothing. She walked over to the bay window and sat. And cried. Gut-wrenching, heart-breaking sobs.

Lupin walked over with the baby and sat next to her.

'It's OK; we'll get through this. Honestly, we will.'

Rowan shook her head wildly.

'Come on – it's much too early to be up,' Lupin whispered.

He guided her back up the stairs and put the baby back down to sleep in the nursery. He tucked John in with his beloved Paddington Bear that had been his own when he was a child. Once he was sound asleep Lupin took Rowan by the hand and guided her back to the bedroom.

'I'm not ready to lose you again,' he admitted. 'I can't lose you…and John too'

Rowan started to speak.

'No,' Lupin admonished her quietly. 'No promises or platitudes; we just take things one day at a time; that's all we can do Rowan…'

He erred on the side of prudence and kept his boxers on and slid in next to her once she was in bed. Mentally the young werewolf damned himself to hell for being so bloody weak as he held her once more, but was resolved to see this situation through to its inevitable conclusion.


	5. Is this the end?

**Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.**

**Summary: It is the height of**** the 1****st**** War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. **_**Alternate Universe.**_

**Supernatural/Drama/Angst/Spiritual/Romance/Horror**

**This story is rated R/M. It is very intense and for mature readers only.**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS INTIMATE & NON-CONSENSUAL SITUATIONS DURING WARTIME. EXTREME VIOLENCE. HORROR. **

**A Love Before Time (REPOST)**

**Chapter 005: Is This The End?**

'He did it? Black has made you his Deputy?' Malfoy asked incredulously in late April.

'Yes – he did…' Wormtail replied idly.

It wasn't often that he got one over on the arrogant aristocrat. He was savouring this moment as best he could. Another like it was not likely to come again. His face was a blank canvas as he waited for their Master to speak.

Voldemort had been silent, chillingly so, for the last 15 minutes.

'And what else have you to tell me?' came a dangerously low hiss.

'Rowan Morgause – she is in the West Country… just outside a village called Godric's Hollow. As luck would have it so are the Potters. They are about 15 minutes apart on opposite sides of the village!'

Pettigrew then provided the finer details of their exact locations and day-to-day activities. He also gave a bit of insight into the security measures at each house. He had been watching his prey for quite a while and knew such information would be valuable to the Dark Lord. It was better to come with more ammunition, he had thought, than to just simply announce that he was now the Secret Keeper for the Order and let the chips fall where they may.

'No,' rasped Malfoy.

Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that Wormtail would actually manage to become the Secret Keeper for the Order of the Phoenix. He now saw Pettigrew in a new light. The rat-faced man could very well become the Dark Lord's favourite rather than just another disappointment permanently incapacitated by an Unforgivable.

'Yes…'

'Oh yes,' said Voldemort. 'Oh yes indeed! And Dumbledore is none the wiser!'

'Shall I gather a detail, My Lord? It would be my greatest pleasure to bring them all in!' Pettigrew asked smoothly.

Voldemort looked at the emboldened rat-faced young man as Malfoy took several steps forward with his wand drawn.

'You, Wormtail, may go – at once!' Voldemort said darkly.

'By your command, Master,' Wormtail managed to spit out.

He turned sharply on his heels and made a hasty exit. Far from being welcomed with open arms he was feeling completely disregarded and cast out. As he left the area by foot, Peter Pettigrew was resolved to get in the good graces of the Dark Lord somehow.

He turned it over and over in his mind.

_Sirius Black._

Black was another one that many of the Inner Circle would like out of the way. The Marauder's arrogance exceeded his talent.

Yes, that was it.

Somehow, some way the opportunity would come to avenge himself on Black and that would take him up several notches within the Death Eater ranks. There was no point to any of this unless he got something out of it. His eyes were fixed on a position within the Inner Circle itself permanently.

After all – he had done something no other Death Eater could do – spy for the Dark Lord on Dumbledore and his precious Order of the Phoenix.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'Malfoy – I have a little job for you. Something that will help to alleviate the boredom,' Voldemort said with a sniff.

'By your command…something to do with the Potters I take it? After all, they are your biggest concern and rightly so.'

'Not them – I will not deny myself the pleasure of destroying my enemies!'

Voldemort paused and his servant wisely stayed silent.

'Morgause – it was not she who delivered the Prophecy and thus she is no longer a concern. Is that clear?'

'Crystal – my Lord…' Malfoy said coolly. 'And the Potters?'

'I have a plan – yes… yes, indeed… But we wait for Snape to return,' Voldemort hissed tensely.

'Understood, My Lord.'

'Morgause is your only concern for the moment – you do not need a detail for such a mundane task. I know that you will ensure that there is not one shred of evidence left once you have savoured the thrill of the kill. Speaking of which – hers must be something _different_ to the usual Unforgivables. The one who hid her and had the audacity to father a child in the process must suffer. Hers and the child's death will be a warning to all who dare to cross me!'

Malfoy thought for a moment and then told his Master what he would do and when – but most importantly how Rowan Morgause and her child would die.

Voldemort's face contorted into a grimace that his servant could swear was a maniacal smile.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Rowan worked on decorating a new Venetian mask while Remus sat rubbing John's back and reading a book as the infant settled down to sleep on his chest.

'I was thinking – maybe we could have a stroll to the lake over the weekend,' she said hopefully as she fussed with applying some gold sparkles to the red mask, ignoring the first of the May showers outside complete with thunder and lightning.

Lupin didn't answer her right away.

'I see,' she said quietly. 'So – where do you have to go for the Order this time?'

Lupin had been travelling all over the British Isles lately. To her it seemed like a wild goose chase. Nothing that she would consider significant ever came of these warnings to the Order of the Phoenix.

'The Headmaster received word that a faction of werewolves based on the Isle of Skye were prepared to join You-Know-Who. I wasn't even aware that there was a pack there – but it needs to be checked out nonetheless. The last thing anyone needs is yet another uprising.'

'You'd have to check the whole of the Isle – that could take you a few weeks at least…a couple of months at the most.'

'I know,' Lupin said resignedly.

Things were so good now. He and Rowan had settled into their life together in spite of the difficulties. John knew no father but Lupin – and despite who his father was and the fact that the child more than looked like his father – the young werewolf loved the little boy as though he were his own.

Rowan looked downcast – more than Lupin had ever seen her since they reunited and became a couple. He put the boy he considered his son down for the night while the woman he loved prepared for bed. Once the baby was fast asleep he had a shower and then joined Rowan in their bedroom.

'You've been quiet most of the night,' he said gently. 'What's wrong?'

There was a hesitant pause.

'Nothing…'

Lupin tucked Rowan's fiery red hair behind an ear.

'It's not just nothing, my love.'

'You know me too well, Remus Lupin,' she croaked.

The young werewolf smiled.

'We know each other too well… So – come on – tell me what's wrong.'

'Nothing… exactly…. It's just...'

Rowan sniffed and took a deep breath.

Lupin pulled her into a tight embrace.

'Say it fast. Whatever it is – we'll get through it.'

Rowan sniffed and wiped away the tears streaming down her face.

'Honey – please tell me what's going on!'

'Remus – oh Remus!'

Rowan was crying hard now, unable to stop.

'Rowan?'

'Remus – I… I…'

'You what?'

'Remus – I'm pregnant! _I'm three months pregnant_!'

_'NO!'_

'Yes! Remus – you're going to be a father! A little girl...'

_'A daughter…. I'm going to be a father!' _the young werewolf rasped incredulously.

'Remus – I don't want you to go! I don't want to be here all alone! I don't want you to leave me anymore – please! Please don't leave me!'

Rowan went to pieces, realising that there was no way to prevent him from going. Dumbledore's word was law when it came to matters relating to the fight against Voldemort. The Headmaster at least accepted their relationship – why she could only guess. It was always said that Dumbledore seemed to know a lot more than people gave him credit for and definitely more than he ever let on. She could only wonder how true that was concerning her romance with her first love and endless love she had for son's father.

But Remus leaving – she'd had no choice but to deal with him being called for duty by the Headmaster, but this time there was more than a bad feeling about it all.

Lupin thought for a moment.

'I shouldn't go... _I don't want to go_. But there isn't anyone else who can handle this. Everybody else is making sacrifices trying to end this thing… with no end in sight,' he murmured.

_'Remus – pppplllleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee…'_

'It will be alright my love,' Lupin whispered before kissing her tenderly. 'I won't be gone long… you'll see. I'll be back before you know it.'

Rowan lay on her back and pulled the young werewolf down for a passionate kiss.

'I love you, Rowan… I love you so much – more than anything!' he said looking into her eyes.

'I love you too, Remus,' she murmured quietly as they began to make love.

But in her heart and soul, there was still only Severus Snape.

And she knew without a doubt that she would never see him again either.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Thousands of miles away – Snape was disembarking a cargo ship where he'd secured hidden passage in the farthest reaches of the Russia. A few more months, he thought to himself, and he would be back in England. Once he made his delivery to Voldemort surely he would get some time away.

Whatever the Dark Lord was up to with this new killing potion – it wasn't something that involved him. But he had begun to wonder if anyone else in the inner circle knew. Bellatrix Lestrange fancied herself the most loyal of Voldemort's followers along with her husband; but even she did not hold much sway within the ranks. But he doubted that Malfoy, even with his valued position as the Dark Lord's right-hand man, knew everything of the Dark Lord's intentions and plans.

There was something going on – something Voldemort was keen to keep to himself. Of that he was most certain. And whatever it was – the Tibetan botanical was an important part of it. Snape had procured several large vials of it. Curiously enough it was royal blue on the outside – but a deep almost Slytherin green on the inside. Once added, whatever it was that the Dark Lord wanted brewed would be green.

'_Typical,'_ he thought fleetingly to himself.

But God help whoever the potion was meant for. Theirs would be a slow, torturous death from it. Snape pushed thoughts of the potion from his mind. He had to get himself home, and only had a few months to do it.

The young Potions Master made his way to a local train station and checked for the next train to Moscow. The ticket clerk's English was almost as non-existent as his Russian – but at least he managed to ascertain that the next train was in 45 minutes and leaving from the farthest platform. It was quite fortuitous as it gave him enough time to steal some food from the rather tatty grocer's down the road and stow away on the train. He had no money for sustenance or train fares.

The clerk held up a rather rancid-looking gold ticket and Snape indicated he would come back later.

Snape browsed lazily around the shop and managed to procure three small loaves of sourdough bread and goat's cheese along with a couple of tins of cooked sausages. The train had pulled into the station by the time he returned.

His luck was holding out. The ticket clerk was not behind the little desk. The tickets were colour-coded according to destination. All the young Potions Master had to do was reach out a long arm and take the golden ticket offered to him earlier. There was a receipt book along with a mechanical stamp. He quickly grabbed a receipt and quietly stamped it.

'So good to see well-organised staff,' he sneered quietly under his breath as he made his way to the farthest reaches of the station.

His ticket and receipt were checked and he took a seat in a small compartment. Fortunately he was all alone and would not have to suffer anyone else's presence.

Snape's mind turned to the woman he loved more than anything and to their child; the child he had never seen. His son was over a year old now. No doubt he'd be trying to speak his first words and perhaps walking. So many momentous events he was missing out on – not the least of which was the birth of his child. There was so much he didn't know – for god's sake he didn't even know his son's name.

He swore under his breath at his predicament.

More than anything – he just wanted to be with Rowan and their son.

…**xXxXxXx…**

The rain had finally let up. It had been chucking it down non-stop for the past few several weeks. The house seemed to empty and sad without Remus, but with any luck he would return soon. He had been gone for three months – far too long.

Rowan sat with a white mask pondering how to decorate it instead of being in bed trying to get some sleep. The moulding of it had not turned out exactly right. This latest creation gave her no pleasure – it seemed more of a death mask than one of joy and happiness. There was a faint rumbling in her belly. She reached down and rubbed it with a smile. There was something to be said for a trouble-free pregnancy. She was looking forward to having Lupin's child, even though it would a lycanthrope like its father.

The mother-to-be contemplated the paints, piles of brightly coloured feathers and little pots of glitter and sparkles on the table in front of her in her sitting room. She picked up a paintbrush and began an intricate design in black and white only – no bright colours as had been her way.

So absorbed was she in her work that she did not hear her back door opening and closing. John was fast asleep upstairs.

'As talented as you are beautiful,' came a dangerously smooth voice as she put the mask away with several others in a fire-proof trunk.

Rowan looked up at the white-haired stranger in her doorway with his wand drawn.

'Who… who are you? How…?'

_'I was sent,' _Lucius drawled silkily. _'…to take care of you, Dear Lady…'_

He looked at her protruding stomach. She looked to be about six or seven months pregnant.

'I see you have been well and truly sorted indeed. It's time you shared the wealth, so to speak…'

'No… no…' Rowan croaked helplessly as she watched the Death Eater take off his gloves.

Her own wand was in the little room off the kitchen she used as a painting studio. Remus had always tried to instil in her that even in this situation, she must have her wand on her at all times. Now she understood why. It wasn't wise to take it for granted that even under Dumbledore's watch that she wasn't at risk. Now it was too late.

'You will come with me…' Lucius said with the look of the devil in his eyes.

'No – I don't know who you are – but get out of my house! Take what you want and get out of my house!'

'TALenderra!' Malfoy roared.

Rowan fell to the floor with a scream as an invisible Cat O' Nine Tails flayed her back several times. Her bathrobe and nightgown were ripped clear through. Amidst the pain she felt something running down her back – blood.

Malfoy was next to her in several quick strides and hauled her to her feet, jerking her up by hair.

'I can see it will take a bit of work for you to be more friendly!' he hissed darkly.

Tears streamed down her face as she was frog-marched upstairs. Once in her bedroom Malfoy punched her in the face, causing her to fall hard against the bed. Rowan closed her eyes willing it to be over quickly.

'Open you eyes – now you stupid bitch!'

The young woman cried and only opened them a crack.

'OCCULEUM!'

Her eyes were now open wide and she could not shut them.

Malfoy then bound her to the bed.

'So – who was it, hmm? Who is the traitor? Who was so arrogantly stupid such as to think they could get away with such treachery!'

Rowan shook her head 'no'.

'_'No'_? Another fool I see…'

Malfoy straddled her. He punched and slapped her and still she would not talk.

'I won't be so nice if I have to ask you again!'

'FUCK YOU AND YOUR DARK LORD TOO!' Rowan roared. 'You can both go to hell!'

She realised that her attacker had no way of probing her mind to find out the truth for himself. Even with what she faced, there was no way she would ever betray Severus to him. She had betrayed the man she adored enough already with a man she knew he hated and resented.

Malfoy reared up as if he'd been slapped. He reached out and ripped off her robe and gown. A wave of his wand and he was naked. Rowan's eyes were glued to the Dark Mark on his left forearm.

'TALenderra!'

Again the young woman screamed as she was invisibly whipped.

Malfoy launched himself on her and began his assault.

'That's right – scream for all the good it will do you!'

Suddenly there was a wailing from the other room.

_'No!' _Rowan cried. _'Not my baby – please!'_

She needn't have begged for her baby's life to be spared. Malfoy was not to be distracted from the matter at hand.

'IMPERIO!' he bellowed as the baby continued to cry and call for his mother.

Rowan went still as if stupefied.

'You will obey my every command,' he whispered as he caressed a bloodied cheek.

'I will...'

'I want to you to shag me – like you shagged the father of your child. Give yourself over to me truly,' he purred.

Rowan couldn't fight the curse and stood no chance in the face of such evil. Her arms went around Malfoy pulling him down hungrily. A leg went across his back. He entered her roughly.

'Tell me you want it!'

Rowan struggled beneath him.

'GODDAMN IT! _I SAID TELL ME YOU WANT IT_!'

The young woman began to cry as she gasped for air. Malfoy had a hand around her throat.

'I… I… want… it….' she rasped.

Malfoy flipped her over like she was a rag doll.

All hope was well and truly lost.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Rowan lay in bed broken and unconscious. Malfoy stood in the doorway of the nursery, as pristinely dressed as when he came into the house, and aimed his wand at her screaming child who had been trying to stand up in his crib. Several crippling torturous curses later the child was mewing softly, calling for his mother and father after falling hard against the wall.

Malfoy laughed manically.

And then aimed another curse at the suffering toddler.

Severus Snape's son was now barely moving.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Malfoy stood at the back door of the house.

_'INCENDIO! FLAMARE INFINITE!'_

There was a loud _WHOOSH_ and the kitchen and sitting room went up in flames.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Malfoy stood across from the house in a dense thicket of woodland. He was nothing less than hypnotised by the dancing flames roaring across the ground floor and now up to the first story.

Suddenly the night air was pierced with screaming and crying.

'Morgause and her brat,' he hissed under his breath with a faint smile.

There was a faint rumbling in his stomach.

'I could do with some dinner,' he said idly as he thought of just the woman who would give him some and a lot of something else.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Rowan had regained consciousness and found herself surrounded by smoke. Fire was snaking its way around the hallway; up the walls and across the ceiling.

She became aware of her baby's cries.

_'John!' _she rasped as she fought to get to her feet.

She tried to forget her agony and stumbled into the nursery. The flames were snaking up one wall and the room was filling with smoke.

Her son lay broken and in pain in his crib.

_'John – oh John!'_

There was a sudden boom as the windows of the house were blasted out. Rowan grabbed her dying child and held tightly to him as he cried just as the entire room went up in a tornado of flames. She stumbled into the hallway, burning herself in the process. Flames were consuming her bedroom and now the nursery as she stood near front of the hall window screaming along with her child. The window was surrounded by flames.

There was no way out.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Malfoy Disapparated as he'd been instructed to do by Voldemort. The house was engulfed by flames and there was no possible way out. Moments later flames took hold of Rowan's long red hair and she tried desperately to beat them out.

_'Rowan! ROWAN!' _a voice screamed from below as she went up in flames clutching her dead child to her chest.

There was a last round of screams.

Rowan Morgause was dead before her body hit the floor.

…**xXxXxXx…**

_'ROWAN!' _Lupin screamed wildly as several pairs of hands held him back.

With his heightened werewolf senses he could see Rowan twisting in the flames that consumed her. She was clinging to John with one hand and the other was around her belly, which had ballooned with pregnancy while he was gone.

_'ROWAN! JOHN! LET ME GO! DAMN YOU LET ME GO! ROWAN! ROWAN!'_

'T'aint nuffink you can do faw 'em, mate!' said one of the few people brave enough to come out of their homes especially with the Dark Mark hovering over the little cottage.

Somebody had to do something to keep the man they were holding back from killing himself. It was suicide to think you could go in that inferno and make it out alive. No way could anyone have survived. No one had ever seen anything like it around here.

There was a loud, almost sonic BOOM and the back of the house blew out.

Moments later it had collapsed into a fiery ruin.

Lupin roared and cried and screamed.

A detail of Aurors showed up from the Ministry of Magic, led by Kingsley Shacklebolt. He'd gone to Hogwarts with Lupin and knew him well along with the Potters. Two of the people holding the young werewolf back he recognised as fellow wizards. The other one was a Muggle. It was the Muggle who had spoken to Lupin.

'Obliviate his memory and make sure he's clean; then send him home back to bed,' he murmured to Mortonius Synclair, another of Dumbledore's trusted connections in the Ministry. 'Take care of the others after but make it quick…'

Shacklebolt aimed his wand at the sky and sent out and S.O.S. for Dumbledore.

With a lot POP Dumbledore Apparated along with Professor McGonagall and a man who looked suspiciously like him.

'No!' she cried clutching her face with her hands.

Lupin was on his knees – howling with anguish.

'OH MY GOD!' came a voice from near the still burning ruin.

Dumbledore's eyes were red with tears.

'A woman – and a child?' he rasped.

The man who looked like him nodded.

'But…'

Dumbledore lifted his head – tearing his eyes away from Lupin who was now clinging to McGonagall in hysterics.

'What?' he asked worriedly.

His look-alike took a deep breath and came over to him.

'Looks like she was pregnant Bruv – quite far along too. I'd say at least six months…'

Dumbledore's grief knew no bounds.

'He couldn't have done it – Goddess no, please!' he cried out.

But all he could think about was that Sirius Black was the Secret-Keeper for the Order.

And the Order was now in the Heart of Darkness.


	6. The heart of darkness

**Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.**

**Summary: It is the height of**** the 1****st**** War and Severus Snape is determined to survive it and carve out his own destiny with the one person who trusts him unreservedly. **_**Alternate Universe.**_

**Supernatural/Drama/Angst/Spiritual/Romance/Horror**

**This story is rated R/M. It is very intense and for mature readers only.**

**A Love Before Time (REPOST)**

**Chapter 006: The Heart of Darkness:**

Snape made it back to Voldemort in late August with three days to spare. He would have been back in England a lot sooner had it not been for wildcat strikes on public transport throughout Europe. Even the British Isles were not immune, as he discovered once he left the ferry in Kent and tried to get a train heading for London.

'As you directed,' the young Potions Master said evenly, placing six vials of the botanical on a table in front of Voldemort.

'Still as tenacious as ever, Snape,' Malfoy said tersely.

Despite his looks and undeniable poverty, there was no mistaking that Severus Snape was a skilful wizard in his own right. But Snape would never be the favourite of the Dark Lord, or so Malfoy thought.

'I had a job to do. I was merely lucky is all,' Snape relied evenly.

'You have done well, Snape. I did say you were the perfect man for the job, and I was right,' said Voldemort.

'Thank you, My Lord.'

'There is one more task which requires your expertise – and then you are free to leave,' the Dark Lord said idly. 'Malfoy, you are dismissed.'

'By your command...' Malfoy said idly before taking his leave as quickly as he dared.

He could care less about Potions. It was easier to pay someone else to do the dirty work. So long as he didn't have to concern himself with such unpleasantness all was well and good in his world.

Once they were alone Voldemort directed Snape to a small sitting room.

'There are times when you remind me of myself in my youth, Snape,' he said wasting no time.

Snape's face was impassive as usual.

'You are very resourceful, intelligent and quite gifted in your own way. You have served me well. Now – I need you to do something else – something far more difficult, but of any of my servants I know that you – and you alone – would be most successful.'

'Whatever you wish, my Lord. By your command…'

'Hogwarts is in need of a Potions Master at present. You are certainly more than qualified for the job. You are to go to Dumbledore, repentant. You are to explain that you made a grave error in joining my ranks and place yourself on his mercy. You are to convince him to take you within his trusted inner circle. I want you to observe him and his allies; bring only that information which would be most useful. Dumbledore is no fool – so you will have your work cut out for you. Ingratiate yourself with him. My other operative – though he has done well and proven himself useful to my surprise – is most certainly not up to this particular task. I believe that with a bit of work, Dumbledore would look on you favourably for the role.'

'When should I approach him?'

'As soon as possible. There is much work to be done. Thought must be given for the long term – especially for once I have achieved the ultimate victory. There is the next generation to consider. Of course, you understand these things.'

'Indeed.'

'Good. I knew I could count on your cooperation.'

Snape bowed and then took his leave.

Once out in the open and at a distance he procured his stolen broom from its hiding place. Though he should go to Hogwarts first – there was one thing he desperately needed to do more than anything else.

He needed to see Rowan and his son.

…**xXxXxXx…**

There was still the smell of fire and smoke in the ruins. Snape stumbled forward shaking his head "no". There was no way he'd gotten this wrong. It was the right location – but one hell of a nightmare for a landscape. He was standing in the remains of the house he'd never gotten to share with his Immortal Beloved.

_**'No!' **_he groaned. _**'No! No! NO!'**_

Snape looked around in a wild panic.

_**'Rowan! ROWAN!'**_ he shouted.

He kept calling for her until he was hoarse.

'Never heard tell of anyfink like it meself,' came a voice from the clearing.

Snape pulled his wand and looked out from behind the remains of a wall where the sitting room had been. He watched as a group of men strolled by with fishing rods. They were no doubt headed back to Godric's Hollow from the lake nearby. All of them stopped and looked at the ruins somewhat superstitiously.

_'Didn't stand a chance, they didn't. You know – I heard she standing there naked as the day she was born clutching the little feller like anyfink – fat lot o' good it did 'im though!' said a very fat man who was red in the face from exertion._

_'Very sad indeed. You know – I heard it was You-Know-Who what was behind it all….' said another who looked like he could do with a few plates of sandwiches._

So they were wizards. Snape moved just a bit so that he couldn't be seen. He was lucky they hadn't heard him screaming. He was hungry for more details.

The fishermen shuddered. Even without saying his name, there was no doubt all feared Lord Voldemort.

_'Please – you couldn't miss the Dark Mark flying over the house,' said the biggest of the men._

_'Explosions left and right – was a horrible noise. And I will never ever forget the sound o' 'er an' thah sweet babby screamin' for their lives long as I live and breath!' said another. 'But wot could anyone do? They was gonners – couldn't no man make in there and come out alive and there weren't no charm no spell that could get rid o' them flames neither!'_

_'I heard it was a terrible sight Minty ole chap – the bodies an' everythin' when it was all over… not a fine time to have a vacation down 'ere I tells ya! Can't wait to get out o' 'ere meself…'_

_'Clingin' to 'er little lad she was…' said Minty dolefully._

_'And you want to know something else? I heard a rumour – she'd been wanted by You-Know-Who and wasn't handed over. Got knocked up an' all while in 'idin'. They figure it was by whoever was 'idin' 'er from You-Know-Who… said she was out o' sight for the last few years or some such…'_

_There was an ominous low whistle by the skinny man._

_'Revenge killin' tha's wot this is innit? Them Death Eaters – they's lettin' people know not to tangle wiv 'em…'_

_'More'n thah – they's puttin' out the word to the one that hid 'er and then had the nerve to do the biz'ness!'_

_'Got a point there. Yep – You-Know-Who is showin' 'im wots wot…'_

_''Ere Kev – you reckon it was one of them wot 'id 'er an' all?'_

_'A Death Eater? Shoo – you must be crazy – were Muggle-born weren't she?'_

_'Since when has that ever stopped 'em – if they's wants a woman they's just go for it don' they!'_

_'But there was somefink else too,' another rather roly-poly man whispered after looking around nervously._

_It was spooky – like they were being watched. _

_'Awww now Ern don't start that up again!' the big man called Kev hissed exasperatedly. 'Just let it be. She's isn't here to set you bang to rights and neither is her old man!'_

_'Wot? Wot you on abou' then?'_

_'Go on – ignore ole Kev – spill yer guts!' the little man roared to the laughter of the rest. _

_All except for the gentle giant that was Kevin._

_'She was PREGNANT!' roared Minty._

_'NO!' roared several men in unison._

_'If ahm lyin' ahm dyin'! Was knocked up – at least six months along!'_

_'Damn now tha's evil! Torching the place like they did wiv 'em inside like that an' her up the spout an' all…'_

Snape sank to the ash filled floor in shock; his eyes welling with tears as he shook his head "no".

_'AND!'_

_The men quieted down for more gossip._

_'There was a feller ou' the front that night. Was howling his head off somefink fierce when he was wasn' shoutin' and carryin' on! Was spooky I'm tellin' ya! Took a load of us to hold 'im back – he was tryin' to go in there; callin' ou' for 'er and for the little tyke. We was there – weren't we Bob old son?'_

_'Yeah – reminded me of that time I had that run-in with that werewolf on the Isle of Skye…'_

_'O for Christ's sake – ain't no packs or colonies on Skye! You's imaginin' things you are!'_

_'I'm tellin' you I did! And that unholy racket wot tha' bloke was kickin' up – sounded just like 'em!'_

_'God Almighty – so she was six months up the duff and let me guess – the bloke kicking up the fuss was her werewolf lover!' sniffed Kev's brother Andy. 'No self-respecting witch would lower herself to do that – she'd be an outcast!'_

_The story was getting crazier by the minute and he just wanted to get back home._

_'When you're in 'idin' – you's lucky to get wot you can get ain't ya! And wot abou' that there society – them werewolf lovers with their food and clothes drives! Drives the Ministry bonkers don' they – all them do-gooders bein' friendly with the werewolves! Anyway, a bunch o' Aurors turned up and, jumpin' jack flash, that was it. We were sent packin' we was…'_

_'Was a Muggle wot turned up to 'old 'im back an' all. Obliviated him they did. And we was not to speak of it – but o' course we was interviewed,' Minty said puffing out his rather flabby chest._

_'Too right – so shut it and let's get going! The sun will be down soon and I don't want to be anywhere except my own house after dark!' Andy grumbled._

_'Andy's right – move it along boys…' said Kevin lumbering off up a path that skirted the woodland. 'The sooner we get home the better…'_

_'I still say she was preggers and by that wolf bloke!' came a voice as the men moved off into the distance._

Once they were gone Snape stood up in disbelief. His eyes caught something under some fallen beams by the destroyed fireplace. A wave of his wand and Rowan's old trunk that had been used as a coffee table was revealed.

He summoned it to him and to his surprise found it wasn't locked. It wasn't like Rowan to leave it open. He looked inside and saw the masks. All were bright and colourful – save one. It was a most curious object – detailed ornamentally in black and white. He held it up – and nearly dropped it. It reminded him too much of the white masks the Death Eaters wore. He looked at the date next to her initials.

Less than a week ago, when he had finally set foot on English soil, Rowan was definitely alive.

…**xXxXxXx…**

'I'm sorry, Severus. I am so, so sorry,' Professor Dumbledore said hoarsely. 'I am still trying to get to the bottom of what happened that night!'

_'SHE WAS BETRAYED, HEADMASTER! BETRAYED BY SOMEONE IN THE ORDER! EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED – EVERYTHING THAT WAS EVER ANY GOOD FOR ME – IS ALL GONE!'_

Dumbledore visibly blanched and pulled out a handkerchief.

_'She is gone! She's gone and we never got to sort our disagreement! She didn't know that I hadn't abandoned her – that I was between a rock and a hard place and despite that I still loved her! I wanted our baby – I wanted my son! I wanted us to be a proper family! Now it's gone! It's all gone!'_

The young Potions Master collapsed and bawled his eyes out.

The Headmaster didn't know what to say. What could he say? He, the supposed Greatest Wizard of the Age, had been helpless to prevent this terrible tragedy.

'I need to know something,' came a small voice from underneath the curtains of black greasy hair on Dumbledore's desk.

'I will answer your questions as best I can. You have my word, Severus, as always.'

'Did Rowan love – _him_?'

'She was honest with him. She cared about him – but it was not the love of soulmates. That is what she said you were to her. No one could ever take your place in her heart and soul. They were kindred spirits – but what she felt; it was never like you. For over a year she never gave up hoping that you would come back to her. And even for the short while that she was with him – she never gave up hope. This is not only what I believe, it is what I know. It wasn't an easy situation for them – far from it. But he never condemned her for the way she felt. Like you – he was grateful to have her affection regardless of its nature. He did bring her a measure of happiness and looked after them well.'

'How? How can you possibly know what was in her heart! She – she was expecting _his _child when she died!'

'She loved you until the very end – even though it seemed to her that you had gone elsewhere for comfort. Don't hate him for loving her and your son! Had he not been there for them – both lives would have been lost a lot sooner. Only because of him did Rowan and your son survive what was undoubtedly a harrowing birth. I saw it with my own eyes, as did Madam Pomfrey. Don't let old grudges get in the way of common sense. We must accept our blessings no matter what form they take.'

_'It was not in my nature to play such stupid, childish games with her affections! I am not a philanderer, Headmaster!'_

'I never believed you were – and neither did Lily. You are an honourable and proud man, of that I have no doubt. But the fact remains that Rowan had a vision – a vision which haunted her. The extreme length of your absence without a word – not even so much as one word even to me – well, her hands were tied, Severus. It is not reasonable to expect anyone to wait for what potentially could be the rest of their lives waiting for something that may very well never happen!'

Dumbledore stood and walked over to a locked cupboard. He withdrew a small skeleton key from his robes and unlocked it. Very carefully he pulled out a stone basin with Celtic engraving all around it.

'Is that…a Pensieve?'

'Yes. If you want to know the truth – you can do no better than this…'

The Headmaster used a different key to open a drawer in his desk once the Pensieve was placed upon it. He pulled out several crystal vials. Carefully he inserted his wand into one and withdrew a thin silvery substance that seemed like a strand of hair. He placed it in the basin and watched as the contents began to swirl.

'Come,' he whispered holding out his arm.

…**xXxXxXx…**

For the next few hours Snape relived Rowans time without him as well as when they were students at Hogwarts. Dumbledore took him through memories provided by Lily and James, Madam Pomfrey and even Professor McGonagall. All were a testament to the loneliness and difficulties she had suffered without him. But most importantly all illuminated various aspects of her life and her thoughts of him and feelings for him. There much that shocked him; particularly Rowan's feelings of inadequacy when compared to Lily Evans Potter and her thoughts that she was just a cheap substitute because Snape had to have fancied her friend.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

But there was no way for her to comprehend what he shouted as he fell to his knees in that particular memory provided by Lily.

That was all he had to go on now – other people's memories.

It was cold comfort indeed.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Crucially, there was a memory of Dumbledore's own that was saved for last.

_Dumbledore and Snape stood near a bench where Rowan was seated with the Headmaster just after sunrise. Before them stretched the vast and deep Lake Grwynhyfar, not very far from Godric's Hollow. It was a cool day and Rowan held the sleeping form that was baby John tenderly in her arms. His son was at least a year old and Rowan had a look about her that he recognised. She was pregnant - at least two or three months he guessed. But she was almost glowing in a way that hadn't been possible with her earlier pregnancies. It made sense – as there were no hexes, curses or Unforgivables for her to suffer through. She was doing well considering she was expecting a werewolf's child._

_Snape couldn't help himself. He walked over and sat on the farthest edge of the bench watching his beloved and their child with awe. On closer inspection he noted that Rowan looked pale and fragile despite the faint glow of pregnancy._

_'I know it is difficult Rowan – I am worried about him too. I have tried everything I know without compromising the situation any further…but there has been not a single rumour from the Death Eaters about Severus.'_

_'Still nothing,' came her hoarse whisper._

_Tears started streaming down her face and she looked down at her sleeping child._

_'I thank the Goddess everyday that John has no knowledge of these things.'_

'_John, what in God's name was she thinking,' Snape sniffed. _

_Professor Dumbledore placed a hand on his arm, bidding him to listen._

_The Headmaster of the past nodded his head and then sighed._

_'It is as if he vanished into thin air. Having said that – I do not believed he has perished. We definitely would know it if he had.'_

_'That's what I keep telling Moony… I would know it if Severus died – I just know I would.'_

_Her voice trailed off and she looked troubled._

_'And how are things between you?' Dumbledore asked gently._

_'He's a good man – a good friend. He's been good to me – and he's so protective of John. Any woman would be lucky to have him. Someone will be lucky some day…and he will make a great father and husband.'_

_'For anyone but you?'_

_Rowan looked up with a fierceness that even took Snape by surprise._

_'__**Don't make me the bad guy here, Professor! It's Severus I love! I have always loved him! I adore him!. It's him who is in my soul! I**__ have tried so hard to just get on with things! I have listened to everyone and done what you all said I should do – but now it's time I listened to me – to what's inside me. Severus is in me – so deep it hurts! It hurts to not have him and I would do anything – anything to get him back! I can't help who I love – and I don't want to!'_

_'Even though you have sired a child with another man – one who loves you truly and deeply? There is nothing he wouldn't do for you – or the little one. It's not easy for him – being outcast as he is.' _

_'Yes!' came Rowan's answer without hesitation. 'I know I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell with Severus if he comes back…if he ever wanted to be with me again… after…__**her!**__'_

_'You still believe he has another lover?'_

_Rowan took a deep breath. She was feeling more than a bit defensive. Severus knew her too well. The Headmaster clearly didn't._

_'I can't help the vision I had! He was with a girl – a girl who looks like she is still at school! They were shagging each other into oblivion! And you don't need to tell me about my anxieties coming to the forefront in my dreams! I know what a dream is – and this wasn't one!'_

_'Then what was it, child?'_

_'I think it's fairly obvious what it is!'_

_'No – I don't think you have considered the other possibility.'_

_'Which is?'_

_'What if it is a glimpse into the future? The future presently being mapped out due to current circumstances to be certain…'_

_Rowan's eyes went wide._

_'What?' rasped Snape as he looked up into the Headmaster's blue eyes._

_Dumbledore peered over his half-moon spectacles and motioned once again for him to listen._

_'You are an Empath and Seer, Rowan,' the Headmaster of the past said firmly. 'But it is impossible for you to distance yourself emotionally from the bounty of your gifts! Yes, Severus is missing – that cannot be denied. However, given the soul connection you undoubtedly have – do you honestly believe that he could ever betray you in that way? He is an honourable man as you well know. Affairs of the heart do not come easy to him. You are the first and only woman to have ever shown him such kindness. You have even borne him a child – a child he longs for! As he would point out himself – women are not queuing up at the door to share his bed – not even the worst kind who lower themselves in association with the Death Eaters.'_

_Rowan blinked back tears._

_'All I want is for him to come back to me. I never wanted to lose him – ever! I care about Moony – and I do love him in my own way – but he isn't Severus and he never will be. I'm just – all alone – and I am tired of it! I am tire of being scared and I hate not knowing what's happened to Severus! This baby – Moony's baby – she wasn't planned. It was an accident! The first time we slept together – he wasn't even asleep for a minute when I left the bed… I sat up most of the night in John's room looking at him – because he looks just like Severus… and then when we finally did it again – it was a long time after that…'_

_She reached down and kissed her son gently on the forehead._

_John opened his eyes for a moment, yawned and then went back to sleep._

_'I am afraid that you and John will both have to remain in hiding for the foreseeable future. As you point out – he looks just like his father.'_

_'This is all my fault. I love my son and I thank the Goddess every day for him, but I have been nothing for trouble for Severus!'_

_'Everything is as it should be Rowan. The decisions were yours and Severus' to make. It would be foolish to…'_

_'What do you take me for, Professor. Illegal time-turners are not in the equation. I'd just be replacing one set of problems with another!'_

_The Dumbledore of the past looked visibly relieved._

_'Besides – it's not like I can just head on down to Knockturn Alley and get one, now is it?'_

_Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow._

_'And what would a Ravenclaw like yourself know about such things?'_

_'As much as anyone from any House. It's nothing to do with Severus or Slyherin! Let's not drag up that old stereotype…'_

_'Point taken,' the Headmaster said barely containing a smirk._

_Rowan always did have a lot of spunk and she wasn't afraid or nervous around him. It was easy to see many of the qualities Severus had to have admired in her so as to lower his formidable defenses and become so involved._

_'Your horns are showing, Professor…'_

_'Must be the sun – speaking of which we had better get you back behind closed doors.'_

Snape stood up and touched the sleeve of Dumbledore's robes. After a moment he felt himself hit the floor of the Headmaster's office and then took a seat.

Dumbledore sat down and waited patiently.

After a moment Snape spoke.

'She went to her grave, believing the worst of me… She ended up with… _him_… because no thanks to her cursed gift and my stupidity! When all is said and done – this is all my fault!'

'It is not wise to dwell on such things, Severus. All is as it was meant to be…'

There was an uncomfortable silence.

'Who – who is he? This…werewolf lover who shared her bed and fathered that child?'

'Curiosity killed the cat, Severus.'

'Surely you are not denying it? She was pregnant and the man in question was a lycanthrope!'

'You would rely on idle gossip and vicious rumour-mongering?'

'You have every time I set foot in this office in the beginning… being locked up in the laboratory as I had been… And let's not forget that you have indeed corroborated everything else those men said!'

The Headmaster sighed.

'Nothing good would come of having that information, Severus. I think it's best leave that particular stone unturned.'

'She always was sympathetic towards them – her and those deluded fools in that that useless werewolf charitable society she belonged to while we were at school. You couldn't convince Rowan that they are dangerous… Always risking her life taking things to them and reading for them!'

'That was a long time ago, Severus. Must you condemn an entire race because of an extremely misguided prank on the part of one of your schoolmates?'

'It was no mere prank!' Snape hissed menacingly.

There was an awkward silence. Neither man was ever going to back down from his own point of view on the subject.

'Enough of that, it's not getting us anywhere,' Snape said evenly with a dismissing wave of one his rather large hands. 'The Dark Lord has decided I should come to you… filled with remorse about the errors of my ways and ready to repent…etc. etc. etc. You were right, Headmaster, you were quite right that he would want to have a spy on the inside…someone who would be very close to you…'

'Knowing Tom as I do – yes, I anticipated this some time ago. It is odd, however, considering that one amongst us is already spying for him.'

'Whoever it is… he is not a Potions Master,' Snape replied with a knowing look. 'Or a Defense Against the Dark Arts expert. I have heard a rumour that your DADA expert has unceremoniously vacated his position; the new term is only a few days away.'

'Is that a fact?' Dumbledore said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

'Headmaster, forgive me for my impropriety – but I really do not see the humour in this situation!'

'No, my dear boy, you wouldn't.'

Snape was slumped forward in his chair. Dumbledore never thought he would see the day where the young Potions Master would actually look so defeated…and sad. But considering all Snape had learned that day and all that he had been through, only a monster evil and devoid of feeling and emotion could look or be anything but. Severus Snape was a lot of things; but he was no Lord Voldemort.

'I made the biggest mistake of my life joining him. If I had not listened to the rhetoric and been consumed with being valued and important…wanting the Order of Merlin so desperately…driven by years of abuse and bullying…things would be so different. I am filled with regrets – far too many of them for one lifetime. What I thought the Dark Lord was offering – is not what I have and it never will be. I will be paying for my mistakes for as long as I have life left… Had I not joined his ranks things would be so different… But what choice did I have? I wasn't ready to die…_ I don't fear death, not at all. I just don't see the point in a death so…meaningless…_'

'I see,' Dumbledore said quietly.

After a moment he cleared his throat.

'Right – well we all make mistakes, Severus. I myself am not immune. I don't think my judgement and faith in you is misplaced. I would like to offer you the position of Potions Master, these are the terms,' he said pushing a contract across his desk.

'It is the DADA role which interests me.'

Dumbledore peered over his half-moon spectacles.

'No – I cannot consider you for that position. It would not be in your best interest, or mine, for you to pursue your interest in the Dark Arts at this school.'

'And why is that? You turn me down – but I am entitled to know why!'

'Suffice it to say that I don't think the DADA role would bring out the best in you.'

Snape's eyebrows shot up almost off his forehead.

_'Right.'_

It was clear he wasn't going to get an answer that made any sense. It was Dumbledore's prerogative and there simply was no convincing him otherwise.

'The role of Potions Master is yours Severus. Considering the circumstances I think you would also do well as the new Head of Slytherin House.'

Snape sat up straight in his chair.

'There are a lot of misguided souls, Headmaster, and not just from my old House… and they will be easy prey for the Dark Lord and his minions.'

'Very true.'

'However, I think we can agree that it is those qualities which Salazar Slytherin valued in his pupils and the ideals that guided his choices which are likely to lead many in his noble House down paths they would be better off not treading.'

'I knew you were the right man for the job, Severus.'

'The Dark Lord agrees with you then.'

The Headmaster chuckled.

'That, my dear boy, does not surprise me…'

'Does anything ever?'

'Very little, as a matter of fact. So do you accept my offer?'

'Yes… despite everything else it is a great opportunity and one I would be foolish to turn down.'

'Splendid! Well – let me welcome you back, Severus. You can move into your new quarters and get yourself situated today if you wish. There is a lot of work to be done – not much time left before the new term starts.'

'I will file my report with the Dark Lord and return to you in an two hours or so… I have other matters of a more personal nature which will require my attention first.'

Dumbledore stood and walked around the desk.

'I know this is not easy for you, Severus. I am always here…you do not have to bear this alone.'

The only response was a slight nod.

The Headmaster could already see his new Potions Master was willing himself not to feel or think about the love he had lost; the only love he was to have for many years to come.

But come it would.

And Dumbledore would do what he could to help Severus Snape for as long as he had life. Once he was gone it would be up to someone else; a very special someone else.

…**xXxXxXx…**

Snape went quickly to file his report with the Dark Lord.

'Dumbledore always was weak and willing to give people second chances,' Voldemort had laughed. 'I knew you were the right man for the job.'

'It seems the Headmaster agrees, My Lord.'

'Fortunately for you he does.'

The newest Professor at Hogwarts was sent on his way – inwardly relieved that he was free of having to spend so much time with Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

Snape went back to Godric's Hollow to the graves of his immortal beloved and their son. It struck him as appropriate that the cloudy sky had grown a dark grey – ready to burst with rain.

_'John Lucas Morgause,' _he murmured as he tidied the little grave.

He knew about Lucas – who had been her brother. But John – he could only speculate where Rowan had gotten such a bland and rather ordinary name from.

'Something else I will never know,' he said angrily.

Snape gently stroked the graves of Rowan and John.

_'I'm sorry,'_ he whispered tearfully. _'I'm sorry I failed you…'_

He pulled out a picture of Rowan. It was taken while she was at school, ironically a picture of her and Lily. She had been 16 when it was taken; full of life and laughter. There had never been anyone but her. And the only happiness he had ever known was because of her.

_'You were all I ever wanted, Rowan. I love you… I love you so much…'_

He broke down and cried and the universe cried with him as the sky opened up and rain started pouring down.

A lone figure stood several rows back hidden behind a clump of trees watching pensively.

He too broke down in anguish.

Remus John Lupin cried for the love he had lost, the son he would never hold in his arms again and the daughter never to be born.

…**xXxXxXx…**

In the days to come there would be more tears, anguish and upset.

Sirius Black would be framed by Peter Pettigrew for his murder, in reality a faked death, and those of a number of Muggles. The most arrogant and devil-may-care of the Marauders would find himself in the care of the Dementors in Azkaban – the wizarding prison in the farthest reaches of the North Sea.

The only thing that would be found of the traitor would be a finger. Wormtail would then live for over a decade in his Animagus form of a rat.

The Potters would lose their lives at the hands of Voldemort in two month's time on Halloween. Only baby Harry would survive; and become a wizarding legend.

Voldemort would vanish that night; seemingly into nothingness.

There would be trials – with many followers of Voldemort including Bellatrix Lestrange sentenced to life terms In Azkaban. Others, like Lucius Malfoy, would claim to have been under the influence of the Imperius Curse – having no control over their actions and let go, free to carry on with their lives.

Severus Snape would be named as a Death Eater during the trials. It is Dumbledore's testimony and support that keeps him from doing time Azkaban rather than teaching.

_'Severus Snape is no more a Death Eater than I am…' _the Greatest Wizard of the Age would testify.

People would ask why it was that Harry Potter lived, rather than why it was that Voldemort did not die…

But Snape and Dumbledore know that the Dark Lord will be back. Though considerably faded, the Dark Mark tattoo on the young Potion's Masters forearm is not completely gone. They know what is at stake and what sacrifices may have to be made in the next round of good versus evil.

Despite suspicions to the contrary, Snape is Dumbledore's man – and prepared to see this most precarious situation through to what he believes is its inevitable conclusion.

…**xXxXxXx…**

**Author's Note: Sequel possible but only if there is a demand for it.  
**


End file.
